penniless

if i fell

and then it hit him. almost like a truck, then again... hadn't john always known? he loved paul, of course he did. they're best friends, they've been through heaven and hell together, maybe even purgatory. but that was it, wasn't it? just love that two best friends shared, wasn't it?
and then it hit him. as john saw how the light refracted onto paul's smile through their run down apartments' window, it hit him. he doesn't love paul. hes in love with him.
his feet shuffled behind him as he took a few steps back, hearing a bit of worry in paul's voice.

"lennie, is everything alright?"

the younger reached his hand out a bit, attempting to place it on his friends shoulder to give him some sort of balance.
john was quick to brush him off, trying to not blush out of... well.. what was it? was he embarrassed? was it his newly found crush on the boy?

"don't worry about it, doll. i'm just fine, yeah?"

with a pivot of his ankles he turned his back to paul, pulling a cigarette and a lighter out of his left pocket while making way for the front door.

"hey man, wait up will you? let's break together, it'd be nice to have a smoke with each other, don't you think?"

paul still sounded worried, he was always worrying about john.
maybe that's why john loved him so much.
_______
a few hours pass. maybe three, maybe four. it was around 11 o'clock when the two decided they were done with song writing for the day. or so, paul was sleepy and john led him to believe he felt the same.

"princess, c'mon now get t'bed. you need the sleep."

paul always got a bit.... difficult when he was tired. jostling around in his pajamas, snapping at anyone he deemed fit (which was usually anyone he could see).

"ah fuck off... i-'m fine.. yeah?"

mccartney wasn't aggressive, no, cursing was just a habit at this point. in fact he was rather compliant with johns begging of him to go to sleep.

"right"

john let out an endeared scoff

"yeah you seem just fine, mate. would you get to bed already? it's late, isn't it?"

grumpy, sleepy, and absolutely incoherent, paul made his way into his bed and under the covers. and as his eyes fell heavy with sleep, lennon realized how badly he wanted to... be with him. to lay next to him. he thought about cupping paul's cheek in his hand to plant a kiss on his head, but he decided against it. something about it felt. different. this time.

things were only going to become more different from then on.