serenity | h.s | ON HOLD

one.

Harry.

tw/ mentions of addiction (drug & alcohol)

Have you ever felt empty?

You know, if someone were to cut you open and take a peek inside, they would find absolutely nothing?

I was positively sure that if emergency surgery were to be performed on me at this very moment, that is what you would see... absolutely nothing.

Now, you may be wondering, why do you feel this way? What brought you to this? How long have you felt this way? Well, truth be told, I could not exactly give you that answer. All I could tell you, was that this feeling has been lingering around for the last couple of months.

I have tried to fill the void inside me with alcohol, drinking a bottle of rum a day. If you took a look at my bank statement, you would see that I have made multiple trips down to the local liquor store, usually spending around the same amount each visit. Thankfully, that habit only lasted me about a month before it began to start giving me massive heartburn. I really hated that.

So without the distraction of rum, naturally I had to pick up another addictive habit: marijuana. I was going through a couple of grams a day, not allowing a single minute of sobriety in. This one, unlike the rum, had only lasted about three weeks because I was starting to become incredibly sluggish and unconcerned with life.

That was when the clouds of my depression had cleared enough to show me that I was never meant to gain an addiction to anything. It was more of a revelation than anything, if I can be honest. I would much rather drink and get high in moderation and under the right circumstances than to depend on them solely to get me through my everyday life.

However, the only thing I did find myself being addicted to... was heartbreak. Whether it came to family, friends, or even partners, it was following me everywhere.

I had a habit of always putting my entirety into loving someone, being at their every beck and call. I was not fond of turning people away, especially those that I care so deeply for. Unfortunately though, that level of commitment can also be very dangerous. It was always those who claimed they wanted someone who was going to be there for everything they needed that hurt me.

I was no stranger to abandonment.

There was only one person in my life who has shown themselves to be true, and that is Juliette, my best friend. We met back in primary school, just these two, young and awkward kids in London. She has witnessed the good, the bad, and the ugly, yet even after all of that has still remained a constant in my everyday life. There had been plenty of times where she could have left me in the dust, gone off to go find a better friend than myself, but she never did. We quickly made promises to one another that no matter how hard life would beat us down, we would keep each other on our toes.

After meeting in primary, we had quickly became each other's personal bodyguards. I would scare off those who smelt like trouble even from miles away, and she would snap at whoever had ill intentions of picking at  my soul.

There were times that Juliette wasn't successful, some people being able to hide behind rose colored glasses. I, however, have always been able to keep unwanted snakes away. No one really liked seeing a girl they were interested in right next to a guy  with a bunch of tattoos scattered all over his body. According to Juliette, it isn't my tattoos that scare them away, she says it's because I look like an actual muppet. I have chosen to believe that she actually meant that it was because I am so incredibly handsome, and that's why I've intimidated people away.