The Definition of Love

Chapter Nine ~ Strangers {Killian Jones}

For the past three weeks I've only been able to think about one thing, one person.

Emma.

Since she was let out of the hospital a week ago, it has taken everything in me not to go to her, run to her, kiss her, hold her ... but I can't.

Five years.

For five years love my life is been in an opposite realm, with almost no hope of finding me. But now, after all of this waiting, my apartment is a mere 200 yards from hers, and the distance between us still seems greater than ever.

I spent countless hours pacing around David and Mary Margaret's apartment, looking at what my life has become.

My own fiancé does not know me.

My own son fears me.

Since that day in the hospital, Liam is been incredibly weary around me, scared that I will suddenly lash out at him. He loathes the fact that he has not yet seen his mother. He thinks of this as just one cruel joke.

Why would I do that to him?

All the years we have spent together, how much and how often I protected him, how much I care for him ... and yet he believes I have it in me to harm him. Mary Margaret tells me that in a child's world, even the smallest of struggles can become a life altering catastrophe, to not worry about it.

But what would she know? She never even raised her own child, she abandoned her and left her to fend for herself in an alien world. She is the reason my love is so scared to trust, she is the reason Emma never really believed in the possibility of a happy ending.

Several days ago Emma came into the apartment to visit her parents, where I have been staying. Liam was over with Ruby, and I stood positioned at the top of the loft, just out of her line of sight.

I could not stop staring at her, she was beautiful. She was wearing a red hoodie and leggings, her hair was thrown up into a messy ponytail. I always preferred her hair up, I would tell her that with her hair down she was hiding a beautiful she really was. She used to only put it up when we were home alone together, saying that all of her beauty belong to me, that she did not want to share with anyone else. That she was entirely mine.

I like to think that day when she got dressed that day, even though she did not know it, she was thinking of me, secretly hoping that she would see me. As I stood at the top of those stairs I could not pick up much of what they were saying, but what I could tell was that Emma was crying, and that she was saying the same phrase over and over again: "Who is he? I need him ... I love him."

She was talking about me.

All of those hours I spent waiting outside her room I was able to deduct one thing, she was seeing memories. All of those times I sat with my ear pressed up against the door, waiting for her to exhale my name. In the few times that I was let in to see her, I could tell exactly what she was seeing: the first time we met, our first kiss, the first time she admitted she loved me.

At nights I would find myself dragging my tired body to the apartment, reliving the dreams that she was having. They seemed to give me hope, hope that when she woke she would remember me, that we could be together ... that we could be a family again.

Now as I exit the apartment to go get some grilled cheeses for the Charmings (they never seem to get tired of those things), I find myself coming back to those memories once again. All of the happy moments that we had together, it was almost as if we were living a fantasy. I guess in a way we were, we were happy, we were madly in love ... something like this was just bound to happen. We should have known for couples in the Enchanted Forest, there really is no such thing as a happy ending.

"I just thought we would be different," I whisper to myself as I shove my hands in my new leather jacket's pockets, climbing the stairs as I suddenly run face first into someone exiting the store. She gasps as she drops her drink down the front of my shirt and places her hands on my chest to steady herself.

"I'm so, so sorry," she says as she struggles to wipe the dripping coffee off my shirt. I can't help but smile as I place my hands on her shoulders and pull her up so that I'm looking her in the eyes.

"Emma," I say.

"Hook?"

"How are you," I say as I lead her over to sit down at one of the nearby tables, I can't help but notice how similar it looks to the one where we shared our first real kiss.

"I'm - I'm fine," she studders, she cannot peel her eyes away from mine, I laugh.

"You don't seem fine," I say as I, without even realizing I'm doing so, reach out and tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, she recoils ever so slightly, but still seems to welcome and maybe even enjoy my touch. "What's wrong?"

"It's just," she begins as silent tears begin to fall down from her gorgeous eyes. "Ever since you kissed me everything in this bloody town feels wrong, like I don't belong here ... that this is not who I really am. You and Henry are the only things in this town that seems right, and I always feel like I need you, but I don't even know you."

"Maybe you did once," I say, she blushes as she continues.

"And the thing is, I had been feeling like this since long before you came, it's just that the feeling is even more evident now. It always feels like I'm forgetting something enormous, I just can't lay my finger on what it even could be."

"When did the feelings start," I whisper, I slowly reach out and take her hands, I can feel her shaking. What if I'm just hurting her even more by being here?

"About 5 months."

"What do you think triggered it?"

"Well," her voice cracks and she places her head in her hand. "When Neal left me, I just thought that -."

"WHAT," I exclaim as I jump up, nearly pulling her out of her chair. "HE LEFT YOU?" She nods and begins to slowly pull away from me, it's clear I've scared her. I pull her around the corner, we have attracted quite a crowd.

"I knew having him back would only hurt her more," I hear someone say, I scowl.

"What did he say when he left, did he give you a reason," I ask her as soon as we are out of sight.

"No," she begins. "He just left, he packed his bag in the middle of the night and then he was gone, there was no trace of him." I begin to pace around the ally.

"I told him to take care of you, I told him to never leave you, I told him to protect you, I told him that if he ever left -."

"What the hell," she says. "YOU never told him anything, I'd never seen you before last week. You keep on talking about me like I'm someone else, like I'm the bloody savior ... Well I'm not. As much as you, or anyone in this town, may think, I AM NOT HER," she yells as she slowly begins to walk away from me.

"Emma, Emma come on," I say. "At least give me a chance, I got one of those talking devices ... maybe you can call me if you change your mind, or if you need me ..." she slowly turns and rips my phone out of my hand, copying my number into hers.

"Fine," she says as she storms away, her voice has gotten several octaves higher. "But I won't need it, I don't need you ... I never will."

I smile as she walks away, she could not be more wrong ... she will need me, whether she thinks she does or not.

We love each other, and I will do anything to get her back. I will go through anyone I need to so that I can have her in my arms again, starting with Neal.

A/N: Hey dearies, sorry this took so long, BUT FINALLY A NEW CHAPTER! I have been working on my other Fanfic, Geronimo, and if you haven't read it already what are you waiting for? What did you guys think of the new episode 4x12? Expect a new chapter in the near future!