Rules and Roses (Gal Gadot)

Chapter 7

TW: Self-harm

When I finished reading that text message my heart dropped and my phone fell out of my hand. I instantly felt hot tears rushing down my face and sadness overtake, my previously playful attitude gone quickly. When I read that text I knew exactly who it was, it was him. Nathan Davis. The man that changed my life for the worse last year.

After thinking about what all happened last summer, the realization hit me that he was back. The only reason why he would send me that text would be because he is back in town, but why is he here. I tried to think of any reason of why he would be here and the only explanation was that he was here for school. I would have to see him every day when walking down the halls. I started to feel my breathing pick up and my chest tighten. Everything around me started to close in and my vision started going in it out. I was having a panic attack and I was all too familiar with the feeling.

I heard my door open but I couldn't bring myself to look and see who it was. I then felt someone grab my face and force me to look at them. When I looked up, I saw a concerned Ivy saying something but I couldn't hear with all the ringing in my ears. She then looked behind her and ran into my bathroom and slightly turned the shower knob, assumingly tuning the water cold since it didn't turn off. She then turned around and helped me off the floor and started walking us to the shower. She then guided me under the showerhead, making sure the cold water would completely soak me. The shock of the cold water to my system caused me to snap out of it and focus on the cold water falling down on me. 

Once my breathing returned back to normal, Ivy turned the water back to warm and let me warm up before taking me out and drying me off. She then helped me take off my clothes and change into dry ones. Ivy has been my best friend since a young age and we have seen each other naked several times, so this didn't bother me.

She then walked me to my bed and let me collect my thought for a while before finally talking.

"What happened?"

I couldn't even speak, so I just picked up my phone and showed her the message. At first, she was confused until she finally understood the whole situation causing her face to be filled with anger and concern for me. She knew how all of this will end up affecting me and was scared of what I would do.

She then put me under the covers and then joined me, hugging me tightly. I then let my eyes close after all the emotional stress I've been through.

The next day, I woke to Ivy shaking me and telling me to get ready for school. As much as I didn't want to go, college was important.

When I was done getting ready, I walked to the kitchen and saw Ivy eating some toast. Once she saw me, she offered me a piece but I simply shook my head, earning a small frown from her. I then walked and got my keys, signaling that it was time to go.

Once we arrived at school, I turned my car off and just sat there. Ivy was also waiting to see what I would do. After thinking for a second I felt the familiar burn in the back of my throat and my eyes well up. Before I could even stop them from falling, they were already down my face. When Ivy took notice, she reached over the center console and grabbed my hand. After several minutes of me crying, I wiped my eyes and got out of the car. I started walking to English class with Ivy hot on my tail. When I walked through the door to Gal's classroom, I turned my head to look at her. She had her usual smirk on her face as if she was waiting for me but when she looked at my face, hers completely changed into concern. Seems like a face I'm getting a lot lately. I started walking towards my desk not even going to talk to Gal like I usually would.

After a few minutes, Connor sat in his seat and instantly started asking if I was ok. When he realized I wasn't going to answer, he turned and asked Ivy. She gave me a look asking if she could tell him and I just nodded. When Ivy finished talking, I was immediately engulfed in a hug by Connor. I had to fight so hard to make sure the tears wouldn't fall out of my eyes but much to my dismay they fell down my face, causing me to clench my jaw so they wouldn't turn into sobs. During our whole interaction, I felt a familiar pair of eyes on me and when I looked up, Gal was staring at us trying to figure out what was happening. When the bell rang, Connor let go of me and I pulled my hood over my head and put my head down. Usually, if someone ever did this during Gal's lesson she would scold them and make them look up but she just let me be.

I quickly got out of my seat and rushed to the door once the bell rang just like yesterday but this time it was for a different reason. I then made my way to the library so I could go and try to clear my mind, which caused Connor and Ivy to follow me so they could keep a close eye. When it was time to go to lunch, I got up with Connor and Ivy and started walking down the halls. When I turned the corner to the cafeteria, I saw the face of the man that I was hoping I would never see again. When he looked up, he had a shit-eating grin on his face which only caused the panic in me to rise even more. Beside me, I felt Ivy grab my hand and when I looked down, I saw Connor's fists ball up. I then looked up at him and shook my head. When Nathan started to walk towards us, I ran away. I just ran and ran until I made it to a classroom and closed and locked the door. I slid down the door with my face in my hands and breathing going at an incredulous speed. I felt very familiar hands grab mine, causing me to look up and into a pair of light brown eyes. I must've ran into Gal's class.

"Hey what's going on?" she asked while looking all over my face, searching for any kind of an answer.

I just shook my head no and she said "Ok just follow my breathing. In... and out. In.. and out."

We kept repeating this process until my breathing started to go back to its normal pace. When Gal took notice of this, she picked me up and carried me to her seat. She then sat down which caused me to straddle her lap. She started to rub my back as I pushed my face into her neck and silently cried. I let her scent overtake my senses and tried to calm down.

Once I finally calmed down, Gal softly grabbed my face and pulled it back a little while wiping away a few of my tears. She then leaned in and gave me a small and gentle kiss.

"Are you ok?"

I then put on a fake smile and said "Yea I'm fine, I guess I just needed to get that out of my system."

I knew she didn't believe me at all and when she went to question me, there was a knock on the door. She hesitantly took me off her lap and went to open the door. When she opened it, there stood my two best friends with concerned faces. Ivy asked if I wanted her to drive me home, to which I simply nodded to. I turned to give Gal a hug and a kiss on the cheek while thanking her and telling her that I will be ok. I then walked out of the classroom and straight to my car.

When we got to my place, I asked Ivy if I could just be alone today. She was hesitant but just nodded her head. When I got to my room, I changed into shorts and then looked in the mirror and took in my appearance. I looked terrible, my eyes were bloodshot and I had bags under my eyes. As I kept staring at my reflection, I felt that familiar gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach as the dark thoughts flooded my mind. I walked into my bathroom and started searching all my drawers until I found what I was looking for. My blade. I then started pacing around my bathroom as the guilt about what I was going to do overtook me. After one final look in the mirror, I walked over to my toilet and sat on the closed lid. I then pulled up my shorts and then took the cold blade in my hand. As I started contemplating my decision, I heard all the voices in my head telling me to just do it. I succumbed to the voices and dragged the blade across my skin. I watched as little droplets of blood started to form where I had just cut, meaning I didn't cut very deep. I then cut again and watched as this time more blood seeped out and started to roll down my thigh. I kept cutting and cutting until both thighs were covered but the pain wasn't enough. I needed more. I rolled up my left sleeve and took the blade and started making more cuts on my forearm and wrist, they slowly got bigger and deeper the more I continued. I watched as the blood started to drop onto the floor and start to make pools around my foot. It was addicting watching the blood drop and feeling the cuts sting as the air would hit it. Once my left arm was full, I decided that it was enough and sat down against the edge of my tub since I was starting to feel light-headed. My mind was then suddenly filled with thoughts of how alone I was. I had no one here to comfort me or no one to help me clean my cuts or no one to hold me. I know Ivy would but she must be getting tired of having to help me or having to deal with my mental health. I shut my eyes tightly as a few tears rolled down my cheeks. I then felt my eyes start to get heavy from the blood loss and also probably from all the emotional stress. I slowly let the sleep take over me and passed out on the bathroom floor.