The Love We Found || Narry *COMPLETED*

.27

»Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne«

H

It's been almost two years. I've been in prison for almost two years and had three more to go. Although I've been told numerous times that more than likely I'm getting let out early cause of how I've been. I haven't started any fights. Nor have I been involved in any.

Two years. So that meant two of Niall's birthdays I had missed. I missed our first Christmas together. I missed so much from the outside world, but I missed him the most.

He never missed a day of visiting me. It was probably the only thing keeping me sane in here. Seeing Niall every Friday and Saturday kept my hope alive. But knowing that I had to go five days without seeing his face? It sucked. It hurt. Just seeing him leave with tears in my eyes ripped me to shreads. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to kiss him. But I couldn't. I would be in touching distance of him, but he wouldn't be able to touch me.

I was laying on my bed in my cell just staring at the ceiling. I had my hands behind my head and I just sighed. I spent most of my days like this. I would just lay here and do nothing. Doing nothing led me to thinking...and they weren't always good thoughts. Ok, a majority of the time they were never good thoughts. I would start thinking that I was never gonna get out of here; that the guards lied to me about saying I would get out early.

Then there were the darker thoughts. Thoughts such as ending my life. Those thoughts have been pretty constant for the last two years I was in here. I would start to think of how I could do it. There weren't many things in my cell that could help aside from the springs in the bed. Maybe I could bleed out. But that was too gruesome and I could never harm myself like that in any way.

The option to starve myself was a big no. I already tried doing that when Samuel had taken Niall and it was painful and I hated it. There was no way I was going to do that again.

I guess I could pick a fight. I could go up to the strongest and meanest man in here. I would provoke him and I knew there would be no doubt that he'd beat the shit out of me. Maybe that's the way I should go out.

Then there was option to hang myself. I could make a rope out of something in here, tie it to the ceiling somehow, stand on a chair and kick it out from underneath me. It would be quick. Yes I'd struggle a bit but then it would be over.

I sat up from my bed determined that I was going to go through with this. The prison was quiet for once. There weren't any fights going on and no one was talking. So I'd probably be able to get this done and over with quickly.

I got off the bed and picked up the scratchy blanket. With all of my strength, I began ripping it into strips. It was harder than I thought, but I knew that it meant that the rope I was gonna make out of it would actually hold me and not rip or break. After having enough strips of the blanket, I began to make a rope out of it.

I was surprised that a guard hadn't gone past my cell to see me doing this. Maybe they were on break or maybe they knew I wasn't going to do anything stupid. Boy were they wrong. In a way, I was hoping that maybe no one would catch me until it was too late.

I stood up then stared at the ceiling. It was kind of like a cage almost. As if I were some sort of viscous animal. The walls were made of concrete bricks so there was no way that anyone could see what I was doing...all except the other inmate whose cell was across from mine but on the other side of the prison.

Pulling the chair away from my desk, I stood on it and tied the rope to one of the beams. I could feel my heart beating faster and I could feel my body shaking. Yes, I was scared and to be honest? I didn't want to do it now. Why? Because something--more like someone--kept creeping into my mind. It was Niall.