Behind The Camera

Chapter 34

Nasa waiting area kaming ng ospital ngayon. Siobhan is sitting on my lap while I lean on Silas' shoulders. Mom was taken to the hospital immediately and is now resting on a private room in the same floor.

Hindi ko magawang silipin dahil sinisisi ko ang sarili ko sa nangyari. Dad has been convincing me that it was not my fault pero pati siya ay hindi ko matignan. I am the product of a sin done to him by my birth mother.

Tumayo si Kiya Keiran sa harap ko na may dalang dalawang paper bag. "Come inside, Giana. I brought food." Umiling ako. I don't want to impose to their family moment. Baka kapag nagising si Mom doon. I sighed, I should really stop calling her Mom. "Gianna, gutom na si Siobhan. She didn't get to eat her breakfast properly from all that happened a while ago."

Tinignan ko ang bata sa hita ko. "Gutom ka na ba Siobhan?" Tumango ang bata sa akin. "Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa amin?"

"Malingkot ka eh Mama. Ayaw ko na kay Lola Anna." She kept playing with her fingers. "Nagsigaw siya kanina kaya umiyak ka at si Mama Eli ko. Mama, hindi na natin siya bati, ah." Tumango ako.

Malaki man ang naging tulong niya sa amin dati sa isla, I don't think I could ever forgive her for everything that she has done. What she did to Dad was not love and abandoning me the very same day as my birth is something that a mother shouldn't do to her child.

Sumunod kami kay Kuya. I'd like to say that me coming here is for Siobhan to eat pero hindi dahil pwede naman kaming kumain sa labas kung gugustuhin namin. No matter how much I deny it, I really want to check up on Mom.

Dirediretso si Kuya kasama si Siobhan sa pagpasok habang ako ay natigil sa pinto. I felt Silas' hand on my lowerback. "Are you okay?" I stared at him. "Stupid question, I'm sorry." Napangit ako doon. "But it made you smile."

Pumagilid muna ako at sumandal sa pader. "I should've seen this coming when I woke up feeling good this morning." Tumabi siya sa akin sa pader. "My plan for today was to talk to you, finally set things straight but I guess I don't deserve any break. I used to ask why, why things like these happen to me? But you know, from what I heard a while ago, I feel like I deserve it. It's my punishment for existing, Silas."

"Gio, don't say that. What Nay Anna did doesn't reflect to you." Tumingin siya sa akin nang sabihin niya iyon. I have a lot of things on my mind but being with Silas, sitting on the hospital floor, made me feel lighter. Dati pa man ganito na sa kanya, he's always the break that I hope for on my busiest days. "What she did isn't okay but you shouldn't carry the burden for her."

"What about the burden that I gave to them?" Tinuro ko iyong pinto sa gilid namin kung saan pumasok sina Siobhan kanina.

"Do you think it's a burden to them?" Tumango ako. "Is it a burden for you? Taking care of Siobhan?"

Kumunot ang noo ko at mabilis na umiling. Why would he think that? "No, why would you think that? My daughter would never be a burden to me."

Silas raised his brows at me and only then did I realize what he's getting at. "It's different, Silas. Si Siobhan anak ko talaga."

"So you're Nay Anna's daughter?"

Umiling ako agad. "No." I would never accept that woman as my mother. "She might've given birth to me but she's not my mom."

"Who's your Mom, then?" Napunta ang mga mata ko sa pinto. I still consider her as my Mom even if I shouldn't, not anymore. Elizabeth Il Defonso might've been tough to me growing up but I believe that it is tough love. She's the stricter parent, overprotective and sometimes overbearing but she's the best Mom for me and my heart is breaking into a million pieces now that I can't call her that anymore.