slight tw of intrusive//suicidal//sh thoughts
read at your own caution
chongyun and xingqiu headed upstairs after eating dinner and went into chongyun's room. they both sat in silence as they were both doing their own thing on their cellphones. chongyun's mind was wide awake, and he was trying to keep thoughts out. it's always hard but he can't have a breakdown in front of his best friend, what if he thought of chongyun differently? chongyun closed his eyes for a split moment to try and calm down his mind.
this is what they usually do, sit on their phones for hours without talking. it's just not the same. chongyun began playing music from his earbuds. music always helped him calm down. usually.
chongyun stared at the ceiling, zoning out. he tried to lock the thoughts out. his dads weren't there. he didn't have anyone to talk to without feeling uneasy.
"chongyun? helloo?" he heard a voice remark.
"oh—sorry," chongyun says, rolling over.
"huh? i was just asking if you're okay?" xingqiu says looking up at chongyun.
"oh, yeah i'm okay. i think i'm just going to go to bed." chongyun pulled the blankets up and closed his eyes.
"alright," xingqiu says before laying down on the mattress on the floor chongyun pulled out for him.
chongyun tried to sleep but the thoughts were banging to come in. chongyun soon became overwhelmed, and tried to cover up his ears.
"chongyun are you sure you're okay?" chongyun forgot xingqiu was here for a moment and felt embarrassed.
"yeah—sorry. i was just turning down the volume on my earbuds." chongyun lied.
"ah.. okay." xingqiu replied.
chongyun tried not to cry. not when xingqiu was here. he couldn't. he couldn't possibly, the thoughts soon got in and overflowed his brain.
he hates you.
go kill yourself no one would care
your siblings think you're a crybaby
cut deeper into yourself
cry. show what kind of pussy you are.
he couldn't stop the tears. he tried to be silent with it but failed. xingqiu immediately noticed and came over.
chongyun sat up. well he was here.
xingqiu pulled him in for a hug and chongyun cried into his shoulder.
"i'm sorry i'm sorry—" chongyun kept apologizing while xingqiu just hushed him.
he embraced xingqiu's comfort and tried to calm down.
after chongyun calmed down slightly, xingqiu rubbed his back sympathetically. chongyun's eyes stung from crying and his eyes grew tired. xingqiu knew what happened. chongyun didn't know why he expected xingqiu to think of him less after everything.
chongyun awkwardly pulled away as xingqiu gently wiped his tears away.
"do you feel better?" xingqiu asked, calmly.
chongyun nodded and lied on his side. in a heartbeat he fell asleep.
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sorry for short chapter but i guess this is sort of a vent chapter for me?? idk but sorry it's short i just didn't know how else to write more but i promise i'll try for a longer chapter next
a/n hi sorry i haven't updated in a hot minute i promise i'm working on something but i've been kind of stuck what to write next so updates may be slow, hopefully i can publish the next chapter in a few days!!
