Finding My Place ⚙️ Knot (a SOTUS fanfic)

vol.10: f o r e i g n e r

"I hope someday I'll make it out of here,
even if it takes all night or a hundred years.
Need a place to hide,
but I can't find one near.
Wanna feel alive,
outside I can't fight my fear."
- Lovely - Billie Eilish, Khalid

⚙️

Arthit stopped on the steps beside us, his friends remaining on the top step as they observed us. Kong stood up when he noticed them, prompting me to do the same.

"What are you two doing here?" Arthit questioned, folding his arms over his chest.

"We're waiting for our friends," Kong answered.

I peeked over Kong's shoulder, having to take the next step up because of how tall he was, and I met Knot's eyes as he stood behind Arthit. Warmth flooded me as it always did when our eyes met and I found myself gripping the back of Kong's t-shirt, focusing instead on Arthit's shirt.

Arthit glanced at me before meeting Kong's gaze. "Do you know why I kicked both of you out today?"

Kong and I both answered at the same time, but our answers were vastly different: "We spoke out of turn." "Because we made you upset." We exchanged a look.

"You did speak out of turn," Arthit confirmed. "What was I upset about?"

We exchanged a look again and I nodded, giving him the okay to take charge. "We offered to help the sophomores."

"I kicked you both out today because I told you that we didn't need a hero."

"What do you mean?" he questioned, a smile on his lips.

"We weren't..." I spoke up, earning the gaze of the other hazers, including Prem's, his eyes seeming to burn through me. I cleared my throat, gripping Kong's shirt tighter as I practically rested my chin on his shoulder. "We weren't t-trying to be... heroes. We just... the sophomores, they are kind and helpful and... and they don't deserve to be abused b-because we fucked up."

"She's right," Kong confirmed, but it wouldn't be Kong if he didn't at least try to antagonize the juniors. "Or were you just upset that we wanted to offer our help? I didn't want to stand out, and I know Aspen didn't. We only wanted to help our friends."

"Does that mean your friends must wait for you to step up? And if your friends get in the habit of needing someone to lead them, how will they solve a problem themselves the next time?" Arthit questioned. "And if your friends need to wait for someone to lead them without stepping up and fixing the problem on their own... then they don't deserve to be my juniors. Do you understand?"

"That's bullshit," I muttered, narrowing my eyes at his collarbone.

"What did you say?"

"I said -" I pulled away from Kong, stepping around him.

Kong took my by the arm, shaking his head. "Aspen, don't. Let it go."

"I can't," I told him, patting his hand. "I have to say this. Just... when they kill me, make sure I'm buried somewhere nice and cool, like Japan under a -"

"Cherry blossom tree," he chuckled, giving me a nod. "I will."

"Okay," I took a deep breath, clearing my throat as I turned to face Arthit. Everything within me said to look away from his gaze, but I forced myself to meet his gaze, ignoring the chill that went down my spine. "For people... like me... we, um... we need people l-like Kong to s-survive... Not everyone is... is a leader and there's n-nothing wrong with t-that! To say that... that we don't d-deserve to be your juniors j-just because we... we aren't strong or, or brave like Kong... that's bullshit. Maybe... maybe you don't d-deserve to be our senior!"