Lily |18+ [Paraíso, #1]

thirty four

|J U L I A|

October 3, 2003

I fear for my life. Philip's pressure on me is suffocating, if not threatening and he's been making blatant threats to me. Ruth doesn't seem to understand the seriousness of the situation. She keeps on telling me that it's best if I'm not on her father's bad side and to do his bidding.

How can she ask me that when she knows what fulfilling Philip's wishes will mean for the both of us? For our children and the company I've toiled so hard to establish for their future?

It's a miracle Merina is still with me despite my endless chattering of my problems to her. She's perhaps the only person who's keeping me sane and not deciding to end my life once and for all.

I'm at my road's end. Paraíso will be the death of me. Both literally and figuratively. . .

I pause from reading, the jolt back to real life making me disoriented for a hot second. Around me, the restaurant is abuzz with activity. People laugh and talk animatedly as they eat their lunch, save for a few tables that have one occupant like mine. I reach for my half-full mimosa and take sip distractedly.

My attention shifts back to the journal. It's truly the most intriguing thing I've come across. I can't vouch for the validity of its contents, this could be a false journal for all I know but my gut tells me it's the real deal. If Jake's dad wrote everything down before his demise, there could be incriminating evidence against anyone involved in the mystifying Paraiso.

James Caldwell keeps on mentioning a woman named Merina in every page I've read, which confirms that he was indeed having an affair with this woman. A forbidden affair at that, because Merina was married too. To an attorney named Santiago.

There are no last names mentioned, so finding any info on these two will be a hard task but Sam promised me she'd try to. I haven't told anyone about the journal. I made up some fancy lie about issues to do with legal affairs concerning the congressman and I was researching for any past attorneys of his who might give some advice on it.

Sam bought the lie, but with a grain of salt. She knew I was lying but didn't press me to come out clean. One of the many reasons I really love her.

I'm still left with paradox of Jake's mom. Throughout his entries, James clearly portrays the picture a failing marriage and an emotionally abusive wife who 'doesn't like it when her father's name is dragged through the mud'.

It's puzzling, if not shocking, because as far as I remember trips to Jake's house when I was younger confirmed that his parents were the envy of every long-married coupled in Northlake for their love and devotion to each other. Maybe it was just pretense. Maybe behind closed doors they were the opposite of it, and it must have been heavily closed doors if they managed to keep it from their children.

So many questions, so little answers. And the only way I'm going to decode everything is by continuing to read the journal. I just hope nobody's missed it, but I haven't seen any armed guard coming for me, so I must be in the clear. Or not.

It help that Jake's been AWOL for the entire week, blatantly avoiding me. I mean, he has valid reasons for giving me the cold shoulder but sometimes it's good to acknowledge a fucking text message. A simple Yes or No would suffice. Although, I'm starting to think maybe he shouldn't know about the journal. Who knows what he might conjure up in that ever-analyzing brain of his.

I can already see it unraveling. The accusations, the yelling, the hurtful words we'll both say to each other. . . it would never end. And based on the way him and his brothers are protective of their mom, they'd kill me. No exaggeration.