The Comfort of No one

Chapter Two: A Monster

"Did Noah and Hope get along well together?" Dr. Salvador asked.
"Yes they did... well... when he wasn't mad." I answered.
"You mean when he was mad he didn't just abuse you? He abused Hope?"
"No... Well yes... but I wouldn't allow it."
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"Noah! Just leave Hope alone! She didn't mean to spill milk everywhere" I said.
"Addison! Do you realize how much of a mess she made?"
"It was an accident Noah! She's ten! You don't need to smack her for something so little."
"Whatever! Addison you deal with the mess I'm going out!"
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Don't worry about where I'm going!"
Noah slammed the door right in my face leaving me alone with Hope and a floor filled with milk.
When I was done cleaning the milk off of the floor I went into Hopes room to try and calm her down. Usually when Noah decides to take PCP and gets vicious he would hit me. That night was the first time Noah had ever laid a finger on Hope and she was traumatized.
I woke up at 9:00 am that morning and noticed that Noah never came back. At 12:00 pm I started to panic and I tried calling his cell phone but it kept going straight to voice mail.
"Where's daddy?" Hope asked.
"Oh uh... daddy's at work right now honey" I responded.
"I thought he had today off. He told me he was bringing me to the park today."
"They called him in today Hope, I'm sorry."
How could I tell her that her father never came back last night and that I had no idea where he went? At 1:00pm I got a call from the New York Downtown hospital.
"Hello can I speak to Addison Miller?" said a man about in his 30's.
"This is Addison Miller; may I ask who is speaking?"
"Hello Addison, I am Dr. Charleston from New York Downtown hospital and I am sorry to inform you that Noah Johnson overdosed on a drug called PCP at 8:30 this morning."
"Oh my god! Is he going to be alright!? Please tell me he is going to be okay."
"Yes he is fine Mrs. Miller, Noah has just woken up and told us your number. You can come by to see him but we would like to keep him here over night to do some tests."
"Okay, thanks Doctor I'll be there in a half an hour with my daughter Hope."
"Okay Addison, I am truly sorry for all of this commotion."
"No need to apologize Doctor."
I hung up the phone and told Hope that her dad got into an accident and is in the hospital. I told her to hurry up and get dressed so we can go to the hospital to see him. It took me ten minutes to drive to get there. Hope and I speed walked to the front of the hospital door.
"Hello, may I help you miss?" said the secretary in the front.
"Yes, my daughter Hope and I are here to visit Noah Johnson, my name is Addison Miller, and I am Noah's girlfriend" I said
"Ah yes, Mr. Johnson... he is on the third floor in the ICU in room 114."
"Okay, thank you."
"You're very welcome Sweet heart."
A doctor escorted Hope and I to room 114 to see Noah. When we went inside the room I saw Noah lying on the hospital bed. His face was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. Hope ran up to Noah and gave him a big hug and kiss. Noah told her how much he is sorry for not bringing her to the park today and that he loves her. Hope told him it was okay and that she hopes he gets better from his accident. After she said the word "accident" Noah looked straight at me. I told Hope to go to the other side of the room so I could talk to Noah in private. He started by saying "Addison I am truly sorry for all of this, I mean it, and I will make up for it."
"Noah I'm sick and tired of this constant bull shit."
"I know, I know Addison" Noah wined
"Noah you freaked out last night on Hope and hit her because you were so messed up on drugs, you don't come back all night or call me, and I get a call from the hospital telling me my boyfriend over dosed on PCP." I said angrily "What did you do when you left Noah? Did more PCP? You were already messed up on it before you left the house. You left last night and did more Angel Dust to the point that you overdose? Noah when is this going to end? You've been taking this drug for two years."
"I know Addison." Noah started to cry "I want to stop, I truly want to stop. PCP is a terrible drug and I started taking it because of all the stress I was under. I thought maybe if I had hallucinations I would be distracted from all of the things I am stressed about. I want to stop Addison."
I believed Noah when he told me he wanted to stop doing PCP but unfortunately Angel Dust is a very addictive and dangerous drug and instead of Noah trying to stop taking it he used all of his time trying to find more. I tried to ignore it the best I could because I thought maybe one day he would stop trying to find more of it, but the more days he kept doing it the more aggressive and ferocious he got. The days he wasn't doing PCP we would have family days together. We would talk, laugh together, and I would see the true Noah that I fell in love with and not the drug addict Noah that he was becoming.
Days went on, weeks went by, our family was falling apart, and so was I. I had bruises all up each side of my body and I hadn't eaten in days. All the money that we had was being spent on drugs and we had nothing left. Hope and Noah got all of the food. Hope was getting skinny, too skinny for her own good. Her teachers called asking questions about her bruises and her dramatic weight loss. I told them that things had been rough around the house and she had taken to hurting herself. They requested a bunch of names for therapists in the area. I didn't take her to any of them of course! How could I, what if she told them what her home life was like? I couldn't risk losing Noah. I loved Hope with all of my heart but I thought it would get better. I thought it was something that we had to work through as a family. He was a good man; I refused to give up on him. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing by being the best girlfriend that I could possibly be, but at the time I didn't realize that by doing so I was betraying my daughter and abusing my job as a mother.
Life only got harder when he started bringing other women around. It was almost every night that I would come home from work to find Hope alone in the kitchen while "daddy" was locked in the bedroom "play fighting". The first time it happened I broke the door down, pulled the bitch out of the house by her hair, and flipped out on Noah. "How could you do this to me Noah, you love me?"
"Loved, and you better watch who the fuck you're talking to bitch!"
That night I packed my bags. Hope and I were going to stay at Mary and Joe's house for a few weeks but when Noah saw me packing my bags, world war 3 erupted in front of my eyes. He grabbed me by the throat and threw me to the ground. He grabbed a knife in one hand and salt in the other. He poured a thick layer of salt throughout the kitchen floor and made me kneel on it. If you have ever tried to kneel on salt you would know that it is one of the most painful things you could imagine and I can promise you that it was awful. He stayed there with a knife to my neck watching me suffer for four hours. A few times he threatened to go into Hope's room and do what he wanted with her. He told me that it was his deep dark fantasy. At this moment I looked into his eyes and saw a monster.
When the four hours were up he told me that I had to clean it. He said that if I missed one grain of salt we would do it for eight hours next time. I cleaned all night long, and I never tried to escape again. When morning came, apologies flooded the apartment, I forgave him. It's almost impossible to say no to the man you love. You have to understand that.