by the sidelines • haechan

forty

I checked the time on my phone.

2.30 pm
Thu, 10 Jul

I was supposed to be at the training centre half an hour ago, but something is pulling me back from going even though I was five feet away from the place. I've been feeling a little withdrawn ever since we came back, probably because I've already made up my mind. But I plucked myself out of bed for one reason; I should at least give Coach Lee a proper thank you before leaving.

I inhaled deeply and finally stepped into the centre, the receptionist greeting me excitedly. "Yoojin, you're here! Hurry inside, they've already started."

I gave a flat smile before making my way towards the noise filled gym. They were having some sort of after-party, but with Coach Lee congratulating each player one by one. I suddenly felt queasy, but it was too late to back out when someone called out to me.

"Yoojin! Come in." Haknyeon ran and pulled me in before the rest could register my appearance. He sat me down at the back just as one of the students announce the next few names. "You've missed the opening speech and like half of the presentation, what happened?"

"Oh, you know," I stuttered, blabbering the first excuse that came to mind, "My aunt is loaded so I had to help." I bit my lip as he nodded innocently. No one had asked about me leaving or staying after Soobin, which is good, because I don't want more opinions to rock my already shaky boat.

Luckily, his attention was diverted back to Coach Lee, who was hanging the medal on the last student in the line. Right then, Haknyeon waved his hand up high, pointing to me as I stared back, puzzled. "You've brought your medal, right?"

I fiddled around with the metal circle that I forgot was in my hand, replying quickly, "Yes, why?" He nudged me hard enough to make me yelp. "Then get up! You're the last one."

"What?" I scrambled to my feet with the help of Haknyeon, jogging up to the front as the rest of the members clapped. "I hope your reason for being late is valid," Coach Lee mentioned, catching me off guard, "Good job on your win."

He shook my arm firmly as I forced a smile back. "Thank you and sorry." And I meant it in so many ways, not just because I was late. Thank you for taking me in, sorry for lying about my past. Thank you for coaching me, sorry I didn't appreciate it more. Thank you for bringing me back to my feet, sorry I have to leave. The last one hit harder than ever.

When I returned to my seat, I couldn't focus on whatever he was saying after that, because now my boat is close to toppling over. Did I make the right decision? Yes, of course, it's only the best thing to do; I just need to overcome it.

Once Coach Lee finished his final speech, everyone rushed for the buffet table behind us. Was that there when I came in? Actually, it doesn't matter, I'm not staying here for long anyway.

I clutched my medal and headed for the door when someone grabbed my wrist. When I finally took in the figure, my eyes widened.

"You did well for your first official competition, I'm surprised," Youn stated, raising one eyebrow as if mildly impressed. I heaved out a sigh, not being able to hide it any longer.

"It's not my first competition," I said softly, but she didn't seem as surprised as I thought she'd be. "I know."

Wait, what?

"You think no one could hear your conversation with Coach Lee when both of you were standing in the middle of the pathway? Gosh, at least talk in private if you didn't want anybody eavesdropping, for example me," She revealed in the calmest, non-sarcastic way possible, but that just made me all the more shocked.