Unspoken

~ Chapter Twelve ~

I shivered as I opened the greenhouse doors, entering quickly. I pulled my knit gloves and scarf from my body as the heat surrounded me. There was a full-blown blizzard outside, and I was covered in snow.
      I'd slipped a note into Noah's hand this morning as we'd passed each other, telling him to meet me here at midnight. I had five minutes left before the time I'd specified.
The wintery night had chilled me to the bone, and it was snowing heavily. The strong wind whistled against the glass walls and ceiling, howling and raging when it couldn't enter. I brushed my hair away from my face as I sat on one of the tanning chairs to wait.
I brushed the snow from my tan jacket, pulling it off slowly. I slipped the maps and photographs into one of the pockets covertly, before setting the jacket beside me with my scarf and gloves, knowing I would quickly over heat with them on. I heard the greenhouse door open, and stood, looking in the direction he would likely come from.
      It didn't take long for him to appear, and of course, my heart fluttered nervously at the sight of him. He ran his fingers through his dark hair as he approached me. His onyx eyes were weary, avoiding my gaze. I stepped forward anxiously, wringing my hands.
      "Noah," I said softly. He glanced at me as he passed, standing at the pools edge. He focused on the water, his lips pressed together in a thin line. Silence filled the space between us, and I took a hesitant step forward, a part of me longing to reach out to him.
"What do you need, little dove?" He asked, though he didn't look at me. I took another step forward.
"I need your help with something," I said slowly.
"What do you need?" he asked as I stepped forward again.
"It's kind of," I hesitated, biting my lip. Is this a good idea? "Complicated."
"Oh," he said, finally turning to face me. He still wouldn't look at me, but I closed the distance between us, anyway.
I whispered slowly as I informed him of the plan I'd come up with after returning from the museum two days ago. His eyes were tight, his expression worried.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" he asked, his voice anxious.
"I'm leaving the New Society," I said after a hesitant moment.
       "You don't know what's out there, or if there's even a chance of survival. What if the air outside truly is toxic? What if stepping outside kills you?" he asked.
       "I'd rather die than remain a prisoner for the rest of my life," I sighed, brushing my hair out of my face. "For me, the risk is worth it."
"Nevaeh-" he began. I gripped his arm tightly.
"Come with me," I said, determined, my voice breathless.
"Nevaeh," he examined me closely, finally meeting my eyes, his express filled with worry. A moment later, he sighed and looked away. "Okay."
"Do you mean that?" I gripped his arm tighter, and he pulled away.
"I'll follow you anywhere you want to go," he said. I knew he meant it, just by the way he spoke the words.
"We'll need a plan, then," I said slowly. He nodded once.
"Not here. Tomorrow we'll go for a hike in the woods behind the manor," he said. "There's no surveillance out there. Now, there's something else I want to talk about."
"Okay," I said nervously, looking up at him.
"I need you to understand something. I have fallen for you, with every piece of me," he said slowly, his expression darkening. "But we can't be together. Not here in the society. It's too dangerous."
"I know," I sighed sadly, stepping back. My heart sunk to my stomach again.
"Nevaeh," he cupped my face in his hands. He was so gentle, it left me shaking, and his his fingers were trembling against my skin. "Believe me when I say, I want you. All of you. In every way possible."
"I want you too," I said breathlessly, gripping his shirt.
"I can't have you," he sounded like he was in pain. "Maybe I don't deserve you."
"That doesn't change anything for me," I said quietly, stepping back. His hands dropped to his side as he leaned forward. He meant to kiss my cheek, but I turned at the wrong moment, and his lips landed on the corner of my mouth instead.
"It's late," he said as he straightened.
"Yes," I said, looking away from him. "It is."
       "There's something else I want to tell you," he sighed, looking away.
        "What is it? I asked. His expression made me feel hesitant.
          "This is...hard for me to explain," he turned to me, taking my hand. "When Natalia died," he paused again. "She was eight months pregnant. We hadn't told anyone, and we planned to escape before she gave birth. Zen's sister, was a doctor, you see, and they were both going to come with us. Reina was in a car accident not long after My family was slaughtered, and I really don't think it was a coincidence."
        "Zen's sister," I spoke slowly. "Is she dead, then?" Car accidents were very rare, as every car had censors that stopped cars before they could hit each other. Fatal car accidents alone were almost impossible. It did seem very suspicious.
        "Yes, and I think they knew Natalia was pregnant when they murdered her and my family."
        "They knew she was pregnant, and they killed her?" I felt fury ignite my veins. They murdered an innocent baby? Even an unborn one? What kind of monster could inflict harm upon a child?
        "Angelina found out a week before the attack, and I suspect she somehow let it slip to her father. He's mentioned the baby to me a handful of times, trying to get under my skin," he said slowly, hatred in his eyes.
         "Oh my god," I stepped back, feeling sick to my stomach. A tear fell from my eye as I spoke softly. "They murdered an innocent. Just a baby. A fucking baby. What harm could it have done?"
         I almost felt nauseous. It was sickening to know what lengths they would go to in order to maintain control.
         "She stayed home once it became obvious she was pregnant, and mostly stayed in her room on the fourth floor. That's why no one is allowed up there. Her room, and our child's belongings, are there," he said slowly.
          "I'm so, so sorry," I reached out, touching his cheek. "You lost them both. The society must pay for that."
          "His name was Oliver James Ivanov, on her request," he smiled softly.
          "James is our father's name, and she always said she wanted a son named Oliver," I smiled a little at the memory. I'd never wanted kids, but I'd been excited for the day she could become a mother. It was what she wanted more than anything, and they'd stolen that chance from her.
           "I know," he touched my hand gently, leaning his cheek into it. "She told me ."
         "They took everything away from you, didn't they?" I said, my veins burning with anger as I stepped closer.
        "They took everything but my name," he smiled sadly, his eyes glistening with tears. I'd never seen him cry before, and it hurt to watch. I wiped the single tear that fell from his eye away gently, pulling him into a tight embrace.
         "They will suffer for their actions. They've hurt so many people," I said, burying my face in his chest. "A government who commits crimes against it's citizens deserves to fall."
         "That's the rebellion's job," he said, stroking my hair, and pulling me closer. I looked up at him fiercely, fueled by my anger.
       "Then we have to find them," I said. "For our families. For everyone out there who the New Society has hurt, I have to fight."
        "No," he shook his head. "I will leave the society with you, but I will not join the rebellion. The rebels are the reason I lost my family, Natalia, and Oliver," his eyes were filled with pain.
        "I am willing to sacrifice myself for their cause. I am going to find them, just like my father wanted," I said defiantly. "If I am going to die, I will go down fighting."
          "Nevaeh," he said, cupping my cheek. "You are much braver than I could ever hope to be. How does war not frighten you?"
        "Who says it doesn't?" I asked slowly. "I am terrified. A lot of people are going to die, and it's going to be ugly. There will be a lot of blood on our hands," I paused, looking into his eyes. "I have to do this, though. Being brave doesn't mean you aren't afraid. Bravery comes from facing your fears head on. It's okay to be scared. What you do with the fear is what defines you."
       "You're right," he smile half-heartedly. "That raging storm I see in your eyes right now, could fuel it's own rebellion. It's one of the reasons why," he hesitated, his next words almost a whisper. "It's one of the many reasons why I love you."
       "Noah," I said, my heart fluttering as he leaned forward. I let my eyes slip closed as his lips met mine. This kiss was different, now that I knew what it meant to him. My veins burned, and I pressed closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck as the kiss deepened.
         He gripped me to him, and I pushed myself harder against him. My movement took him off guard, and he slipped, pulling me with him as we fell. The pool water splashed up around us as I gasped, and he released me. I floundered clumsily back to the surface, and he came up laughing.
        "I didn't think we'd be swimming tonight," he smiled, paddling towards me.
         "I thought the fall into the pool was a nice touch," I laughed too, meeting him half way.
         "It's gonna suck going back inside," he grinned, pulling himself out of the pool. 
          "No kidding," I agreed, wading over to the stairs. The wind was still howling loudly against the glass, almost shaking it.
         I pulled my jacket on, zipping it up around me. I hoped that I wouldn't be as cold when we left as I might be without it, but I was certain my soaked jeans would be an issue.
        "Shall we head back, then?" he asked, walking towards me as I tucked my scarf and gloves into my pocket. I nodded, and followed him through the greenery. Snow flurried in as he opened the doors, the cold air wrapping bitterly around me.
        I shivered violently as he pulled the door shut behind us and took my hand. "Let's go," he said, pulling me with him. We jogged through the garden, running into and tripping over various objects. The snow was so thick that I couldn't see five feet in front of me.
       I gripped his hand tighter as I tripped over the steps leading up to the back door. The inside lights filtered out through the glass windows like bright beacons, warm and inviting. The cold air bit my skin as he steadied me, and led me up the stairs, pushing the door open.
       "God damn, it's cold," he said as he released my hand, slamming the door shut behind us.
        "I'm going to the jacuzzi," I said, my teeth chattering.
        "That's exactly what I was thinking," he nodded, moving down the hall. Our clothes dripped onto the marble floors as we moved, and I peeled my jacket off, feeling a little worried about the papers in the pocket. I hope they didn't get wet. I thought, biting my lip as I followed Noah up to the second floor and down the hall.
A part of me was scared that when I woke tomorrow, he would go back to ignoring me. At the same time, though, I knew we'd both be safer that way. If the New Society's leaders discovered our confessions, we'd likely be executed. At least, I would. However, they spared his life once. Would they spare it again?
        I slipped my icy wet jeans off, followed by my sweater. I set the jacket down carefully on one of the chairs in the room, as far away from the water as possible.
      He'd already stripped and sunk into the bubbling jacuzzi. He pressed a button on the side of the pool, and the glass window slid open, disappearing into the walls. The jacuzzi itself was built up to the edge, and now there was no barrier stopping me from jumping out.
       The fall wouldn't kill me, but it would likely break the majority of bones in my body. However, I was no longer tempted by the sweet call of death. I felt braver, now that I knew Noah planned to escape with me.
      Icy wind wrapped around me as flurries of snow melted instantly in the hot water. I slipped in beside Noah, my skin stinging from the sudden warmth. I only wore a lacy red bra, and matching underwear, but it substituted a bikini fairly well.
        Noah's back faced me, bare and defined. I reached out, touching the scar on his lower back, nestled beside his spine. He whirled around, gripping my wrist tightly. His onyx eyes were wide, framed by long black lashes. They were unguarded, but startled, the flecks of gold and amber molten and soft.
         "What is that scar from?" I asked as he slowly released my wrist.
          "A knife," he said, unsmiling as he examined me.
          "How..." my words trailed off as I realized what had truly happened. I was certain he recognized the spark of realization in my furious eyes, but he told me anyways.
        "When they attacked my family, one of their special forces lodged a throwing knife into my back. I would have died shortly after Natalia. I was already faint from blood loss, but they had other plans for me. They revived me, and kept me hospitalized until I was fully healed," he paused. "I refused to let them remove the scar tissue with that stupid cream. It reminds me of why I hate them so much."
        "What about this one?" I touched the scar on his brow lightly, subconsciously moving closer as I examined it.
         "When I was a kid, my brother and I got into a fight," he smiled a little. "I broke his nose, and in return, he busted my eyebrow open."
         "What were you fighting over?" I wondered, suppressing a smile.
         "Oh, it was so long ago that I can't remember. It was probably over something stupid," he shrugged, his eyes lost in the memory.
       "Were you and your brother close?" I wondered.
        "We were," he nodded. "His name was Malechai, and aside from Natalia and Zen, he was my closest friend.
        "Did all of your family have biblical first names?" I asked curiously.
       "No," he shook his head, seeming amused. "My mother was very religious, and so it was her idea to name us that way. Her name was Karina, and my father was named Nikolai."
        "Nathan said that you have Russian ancestors," I said, looking up at him curiously.
       "I do," he said. "I also have German, Dutch, and Scottish heritage."
       "How do you know that?" I wondered. It was rare for anyone to know their heritage, but it seemed those with the most money had more access to history than others.
        "There's a second library on the fourth floor. Ever since this manor was built, my family has been filling it with history books. There's a section filled with photo albums, and there are family pictures in them that date back to 1876," he explained. "I'll show you some time."
       "I'd like that," I smiled up at him. His dark eyes were still focused somewhere far away, seeming a little lonely. I reached up, touching his cheek lightly. He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes.
"That feels nice," he smiled softly, touching the back of my hand lightly.
"What was your father like? You told me before that you weren't close to him, but I'd like to know more, if you're willing to share," I said slowly, letting my hand drop.
"My father," he sunk deeper into the water, looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "He was a cruel man. If my brother and I ever did something he disliked, it always resulted in a beating."
"Your mother never stopped him?" I asked, feeling a bit angry.
"It continued until he died, but my mother made every effort she could to stop him. It only resulted in her getting hit too," he sighed, looking back down at me. "My father was a drunk, and when he drank, he became violent. On those days, we all tried to stay out of his way."
"That's why you weren't close?" I wondered, examining his expression. He seemed sad, but there was a hint of anger in his eyes.
"No. We weren't close because he would never allow any of us to know anything about him. Even my mother wasn't close to him. Their marriage was arranged by their parents.
         "My father hid behind the alcohol, and squandered any attempts we made to spend time with him," Noah smiled bitterly. "He pushed everyone away, even his closest friends towards the end."
"I'm sorry," I looked up at him, longing to reach out to him, but terrified he'd push me away again. "That's horrible."
"It's not your fault," he smiled softly, cupping my cheek. "I try everyday to be a better man than he was, but sometimes I think that I am exactly like him. I see him every time I look in the mirror."
"I think that you're wonderful," I smiled at him. "Everyone slips up sometimes, but what's more important is the fact that you're trying your best to be a better version of yourself. You may be a little guarded, even mean sometimes, but I know that you are trying. Everyone deserves a chance to better themselves."
"Do you really believe that?" he asked, pulling me to him.
        "I do," I rested my hands on his bare chest, meeting his eyes.
         "I think you give me more credit than I deserve," he said, tucking a damp strand of my hair behind my ear.
          "Maybe," I said. "I believe I give you exactly the amount of credit you deserve."
           "Is that so?" he smirked, seeming humored.
            "Yes," I said, completely certain of my words.
              "Nevaeh, you have saved me more than you will ever know," he spoke softly, his words sweet. "I truly don't deserve you. You are far too perfect."
           "You're worth it," I said slowly. "You are worth everything that brought me to this moment."
            "Nevaeh," my name was like silk on his lips, hope on his breath. "You are my heaven. The only place that feels like home."
          "I love you," I murmured quietly, as though this were a simple thing to say.
          His lips met mine gently, and he pulled me closer to him. Everything in that moment felt exactly right, and though I'd lost everything before this, I knew that from the moment I'd met him, I'd gained so much more. We had a lot of things to work on, but for now, everything was perfect.
         I knew, now, that there wasn't a single moment of my past that I would change. Everything that had broken me, had also led me to this moment. I knew in my heart that my family would want me to be happy, more than anything. I can still feel your love. Stay with me, always, and lend me your strength for the future ahead.
         Escaping the New Society wouldn't be easy, but with Noah by my side, I had no doubt that we would succeed. I will find the rebellion, for all of you. Natalia, mom, dad, I miss you. I will bring justice to you and every one else the society has wronged.