So close yet, so far

9th chapter

Habib Ahmed

It's been 23 years we have been married but I feel like it was few days ago. 'Can you believe it Ariba, our kids are old enough to get married now?' I thought looking up at the sky. I still could visualize Abir and humaira is fighting over chocolate, toys and silly things. I remember they use to fight about who we love the most out of them. Abir would say " ma and dad love me more humu because your an adopted child" he would always look for ways to make Humaira cry and she always fell for his jokes "no! I am not adopted, you are. Mom? Don't you guys love me more". I used to get annoyed but Ariba always kept her patience and stayed calm. She would always say' a parents love can never be measured and compared. It is unconditional what they feel for you. A parent is supposed to love their kids equally.' I could still hear her soft voice in my ear trying to explain to the kids as she used to do before. Time flew by so fast I didn't even realize it. 'Our children are grown up. Abir is 21, Humaira will turn 19 in few days and Rodela is 13, We are old now Ariba!' I know she is up there somewhere. She may not be in this dunia anymore but she will always remain in my heart. I was walking on top of the Brooklyn Bridge, Ariba's favorite place. She like to come here during the evening when sun sets over the sea under the bridge. I was standing on her favorite spot that gives off a perfect view of the city ahead of us. She loved looking at the beautiful view of the city. For a few seconds I went through the moments where we would make contact with our eyes and hold each other hand during these beautiful times while Abir and Humaira played tag along with Rodela. Every few minute later Ariba will say " be careful guys, don't run too fast and look at rodu please". She was always worried about the kids, and always made duah for our kids so they never got any pain. She was their mother and best friend. Humaira used to share evry single thing with us. 'But Ariba! our children don't share their feeling with me anymore, without you our happiness is gone. It's not their fault, after your death I lived in my own world. I am grateful to maa who took care of them while I tried bringing my life back together, when I should have been there for them during there hard times. First I was so worried about Rodela but then I realized she was fine because Humaira was mature enough to give her love like you did. But humaira was shattered more than everyone, it was so hard to look at her. First I tried to make her happy, tell her that her mom and dad are both here for her but one day she said "dad I know you're trying to keep me happy, but you can't change the fact that she's gone, I know she's still within our hearts but it's not the same" from that day on I stopped asking her to share her feelings with me because I was scared. Scared of if I ask her she will remember you more. And Abir, I don't know how he feels, I never saw him cry or try to show any emotion, the day he saw your dead body all the happiness left him. He closed me out of his life. He never asked for anything, so every week I left money for him in his room, when he went to the bathroom or outside. Everything changed Ariba everything! Were all trying to hide our pain by running away from eachother, but when I realized our family was falling apart even though we lived under the same roof it was to late to fix it'. But I always tired to do everything for them but you know no one can take your place'. I said while tears began to fall from my eyes. "Happy anniversary" I said out loud. I didnt care that the people around me were giving me strange looks while I talked to Ariba by myself. "I love you" i breathed out. I felt so empty without her, but I know Allah was testing my me because it's all a part of life. Allah give me the strength to follow your path and die as a Mumin'. If I die as a good muslim I will live with Ariba in jannah.

Humaira Ahmed

By the time everything was ready for my dad when he came home I called all my friends in a conference to tell them about my plan, they were all so happy that I was finally trying to fix things with my dad. They told me to save some cake and payesh for them. Jack said "don't be so close with that stupid boy, he might be trying to impress you" after I explained to them the events of the day in Ihaan's apartment, we all laughed at his comment. 'Is Ihaan really trying to impress me?' Hell no! I don't think he has any interest on me, he talked to because he felt bad, right? After talking to my friends I set up the dinning table. Abir brought my mom's favorite red roses which are my favorite as well and rodu put them on a vase. Our house used to be with filled with plants, my dad always said that "I think your mom wants to make a plant store". My dad loved plants to but he hated when they died , so he thought fake plants were better than the real ones. My mom and I always argued with him about not knowing what real beauty was. I think most of the guys are like that. Now, There are no more plants in our house, all the plants died because no one took care of them like my mom did or maybe they didn't want to survive without their friend, I mean my mom. Sometimes I feel like going to the store and buying some flowers, but then I'm reminded of the many memories i shared with my mom and her plants. It just makes me feel more sad.