XXPLOSIVE

No Matter What They Say

Kim's Perspective

I wake up suddenly and my mind is racing. I'm somewhere familiar, for sure. I grab the clock from the bedside table and it read 8:30 a.m.

My hands are wrapped around Chloe as I spoon her. She's quite tiny so it makes sense that she's the little spoon. Her tiny frame heaves as she slowly breathes next to me. I give her small kisses on her head, taking in the heady scent of her long, thin hair. As she slept peacefully beside me, my mind was a wreck.

Was I falling for her? Had I already?

The day I met her, I was angry at Marshall, and yes, I know I was spying on him, but how the fuck can he 'hang out' with groupies when we're together? Since he began touring, we basically never spoke properly, except is it was about Hailie.

And before someone says that I'm a bad mom, shut the actual fuck up.
Does Marshall know what happens when he isn't home? And fuck, I know it's his job to tour and I'm fine with that, but there's no one who's telling me that I'm not a true mom to my baby. You don't know what the fuck I've been through or what she means to me.

The Kim song might have ruined my reputation as a wife, but nothing can talk shit about me as a mom. Marshall gets a big ass stage to rap about how much he loves his daughter to the world, and I get the shit end of it. I'd drop dead for her if I could, but I'll always be seen as a bitch wife and horrible mother who's a slut and an alcoholic and doesn't care for her daughter. Fuck em, I'm not Marshall's mom, jeez.

I feel horrible about leaving Hai behind right now. I know Dawn would keep her promise and take care of her though. I know she's going through a tough time too, but she really cares; I believe in her.

Back to Chloe though. She got on my nerves real good, but she looked so fucking hot in that dress that day. Shit, I honestly couldn't control myself. I was pleasantly surprised she reciprocated at all. Her nervousness and confusion was palatable.

I remember when I discovered I was not strictly heterosexual. Marshall knew about this, I'd told him that I always had sexual fantasies with girls, but preferred guys mostly.
He didn't mind at the time and trusted me, but his views seemed to change the more people labelled him as a homophobic. It was as if he wanted to prove to them that, he indeed was one, and still sold records while shitting on 99% of the population.

I'd never really been with any girl properly, it was a one time thing when I was drunk, something I honestly regret a lot. And though hot, the girl was actually had a personality of a cardboard.
But that's what, something about Chloe was odd. She had this undertone of self doubt, laced with this air of confidence but true wisdom and I was intrigued. I could never pin point if she actually had any issues or not, but I'm pretty sure they're milder than mine. As a personally fucked up person, I felt vaguely connected with her and her subtle fucked-up-ness.

Since the day I left that day for home, she never got off my mind. Nor did Marshall. But with Marshall, it was more of just exhaustion and anger towards him, while with her, it was the sweet and torturous sensation of a crush being developed. Was it too soon? Sure, but I'd never met someone so beautifully silly, caring and broken at the same time.

I found myself at Portland the next week; she never called me on my number. Was she with someone? That was not gonna fly well with me, but I wanted to talk her nonetheless. But Marshall just had to ruin it. Before I actually went to Portland, Swifty called me up to tell me he was fucking with a broad. Emotionally drained to care much, but the bitch inside screamed at me to stand up for my own dignity. (Also, what weird friends does Marshall have, why would Swifty snitch on him?)