XXPLOSIVE

Never be the Same

22nd December, 2000           LA

Chloe’s POV 

“Chloe? Is that you?” a harsh voice fell on my ears.

I look up from piece I was dedicatedly painting to find Catherine standing with her designs and a coffee in her hand. 

“It's 5 in the morning? Did you go to bed at all yesterday?” Truth is I did. But just for an hour or so. 

“Yeah! I did, I just was so excited to finish this piece!” I said, raising my voice a little to show energy. It wasn’t that I wasn’t enjoying the piece, I really just wanted to go to sleep, but couldn’t for long. This had been going on for a week. 

Pulling my jackets closer to my body, I slowly got up from the ground. Catherine shook her head and walked up to me. She held my shoulders and turned me around from the paint station. 

“You were working late yesterday too. And he day before that too. Something’s up, you look like you haven’t slept in ages.”

“Pshh, ages? Nah, I’m fine, I just can’t sleep for longer. I’ll work instead, I’m just gonna get some coffee and-"

“Just lie on your bed, it’s fine. We’ll be able to manage everything. Your health will fucking decline and you won’t even realise it.” She shook her head as she spoke and took away my paintbrushes. I had no option but to revert to my room. 

On the way back, I met Maya on my floor, who was visibly horrified as she looked at me. 

“Girl, I almost thought you was a ghost! Did you sleep properly this week at all?”

I weakly smile at her and nod, but she could tell otherwise. “I’m just gonna get some rest today, Catherine said she’d manage. I feel horrible for dumping work on her like that.” 

“No, why you feeling bad? It’s for your health and it’s just day. Imagine if you did this for a longer period of time and it became a bigger issue. Don’t worry, we’ll manage perfectly fine. Fuck that heartbreaker, just sit back and relax for today, aight?” she hugged me quickly and pushed me towards my room.

It’s not like I was grieving badly. I just didn’t want to think about what happened at all. Or what would have happened. Or when did it all happen. Work distracted it so well, and I loved the way all my set designs were turning out to be. At least I could control that. 

Forced to relax, I decided to go for a hot bath, which was new as I always liked showers more. But it’s always more fun to cry in a bathtub than a shower. I took off my clothes and stepped my foot in the hot water as some water spilled out.

My body, which had completely frozen on the stage, felt like it was being thawed. And so did my heart. 

As I idly watched the water splish-splash with my movements, Kim popped in my head and Marshall followed soon. I hadn't picked any of their calls or replied to their texts on purpose because I just didn't want to deal with them at all. It was so fuxked up, exasperating, beautiful, weird and sad all together. It was just easier to deny and pretend that nothing ever happened. Maybe that’d make them easier to forget.

We could all never be together; it was just absurd. They were married with a child for Christ’s sake, obviously they loved each other more than anything. I don’t want to be the mistress for either of them in their mediocre marriage. It would never be the same like before.