Last Summer

soulmate

Today my soulmate met his soulmate

And I realized with a start

that she and I were not the same

I went to sleep with the image of their intertwined hands

stamped on my eyelids

So it was no surprise

when at 3 in the morning

I woke with his name floating in and out of my dreams

I fall in and out of love

with a certain carelessness

But this time I find myself unable,

or perhaps just unwilling,

to let him go

And how could I?

I was in love with the idea of him for so long

that I gave it the power to break my heart

Till now I have loved with a certain restlessness

Emboldened by the certainty that there was always

something better

waiting for me in the distant unknown

But then I found the best

Still distant, still unknown,

but undoubtedly the best

And the best found me wanting

So now when I strain for the glittering future

there is a little less sparkle, a little less excitement.

For he is no longer there

waiting for me with a smile

asking what took me so long

If only we had met in person

instead of reaching blindly from distant ends

of the same continent

If only I could get back the countless hours

I lost

when I was chasing the mirage of us

If only I hadn't sent, or received,

hundreds, if not thousands,

of modern day love letters

Bouncing from his phone to mine

and then back again

Full of unkeepable promises

Perhaps then when we touched,

the spark running from my hand

to his heart

Would have convinced him

that our souls were known to one another

In another life