Patience//BILLIE EILISH

two

We pull away and Billie opens my door for me, waving 'goodbye' as she gets in her own car. I wave as well and put the car in reverse, heading home.

I make my way home, being careful of the uncertainties of the night, and making it back up to my apartment. It's quite lonely where I live, having no roommates and neighbors too lazy to get to know me.

I get it. Communicating with Deaf people is hard when you don't know sign language.

But can't you try?

I'm lonely.

I used to live in a beautiful house on a beach in San Diego, surrounded by loving friends and family. It just turns out they weren't so loving. I don't miss much from my days there, having realized how incredibly homophobic and transphobic my parents are.

I don't want to live in a place where I am unwelcome to live as my true self.

Benji and I are in the living room, waiting for my parents to get home.

"I don't know, I feel this urge to just tell them," I sign. I thought I could live without coming out to my parents as non-binary, but if they continue to refer to me as 'their little girl', I might just strangle them.

Benji rubs my arm a little bit before signing, "I mean, if they accepted you as a lesbian, why wouldn't they accept your gender identity?"

"That's what I'm saying!" I sign energetically. "I'll probably tell them right as they walk through that door, I can't wait any longer."

"Whatever you feel is right, I will always support you."

I smile at him lovingly. He has always been my closest friend and always will be. We are two Deaf siblings in a hearing family, and although my parents sign and support us, he will always feel closer.

He hasn't come out to my parents as bi yet, and I don't exactly know why, but I will support him either way. No one has to come out.

My parents walk through the door, chatting about something-or-other with grocery bags in their hands. I get up quickly, relieving them of a couple bags and taking them to the kitchen. When they enter, I wave my hand up and down to get their attention.

They are so focused on eachother that neither of them notice. I do the action a couple more times before giving up and making a noise so they hear I am trying to say something.

They turn around, seemingly disturbed by my interruption.

I sign, " I am sorry to interrupt, but I have something very important to say, and I have the courage now."

My mom tells me to go on and I start, "I have been out to you guys as a lesbian for a while now and I would also like to tell you that I am non-binary. Do you know what that means?"

My mom rolls her eyes and signs, "Yes."

My dad nods his head.

They seem... disappointed.

I shake my head of the memory, not caring to recall it any longer and throw my car keys into the bowl by the door.

I sit on a stool by the counter in the kitchen and feel my phone buzz in my pocket.

I lift it to see a text from an unknown number.

Billie texted me asking if I got home safe. My heart melted at the action and I assured her I was home. I also made sure she was safe as well.

Billie asked if I wanted to hang out sometime, and I couldn't believe my eyes. I was reading a text from an absolutely stunning hearing girl and she wanted to hang out with me.

We can't even communicate very easily. She must just like... me? Like, enjoy my presence?

That is crazy to think about. Someone, Billie, actually enjoys my presence and wants to hang out with me, the new person in town who doesn't know anyone.

I smile wide as we converse for a short while longer, and then we say our 'goodnight's. My cheeks hurt from grinning by the time we finish talking.

Billie is going to come by my apartment tomorrow and we are going to go on a drive. I am going to show her how I listen to music... bass up.

I can't wait.

I also informed her that my pronouns are she/they and her reaction was the absolute best. No, 'why would you want that?', or 'aren't you a girl?' or even bombarding me with any questions at all. She just said 'got it' and continued to properly address me, even making an effort to use pronouns in her sentences so she can show me that she understands.

I smile as I do a couple of things to get ready for tomorrow and make my way to the bathroom to freshen up for bed. My brain is swirling with memories of Billie in the store.

She was so flirty and adorable. She seemed to want me.

I have never felt as desired as I did earlier tonight in that store. It was amazing.

Soon, I am slipping under the covers of my bed and falling into a dreamy slumber.

When I wake, the sun is shining through the curtains, blinding me. I don't mind though, I am too excited to see Billie.

I hop out of bed energetically and prepare for my day. Billie should be over in a couple of hours, so I have plenty of time to leisurely prepare myself.

I turn on the television, watching the news on and off for a little while, before I get too frustrated with the captions.

No, it's not only underfunded movies that have bad captions, most media these days doesn't get how to help a Deaf listener understand. I pick up my phone, just waiting for Billie to show up at this point, and read a couple of articles.

Soon I get a text that says, "my dumbass just rang your doorbell. i'm here by the way."

I let out a little giggle and get up from the couch, almost falling over my feet in excitement. When I open the door, I don't hesitate to jump into her arms.

My first friend in this scary-ass city.