Patience//BILLIE EILISH

nine

Billie nods her head slowly in contemplation before hesitantly writing in the book again, "Whens the last time you had a good cuddle session?"

I blush at her words, and think about them for a moment, "A couple years ago," I write.

As I look down at the words I wrote, I truly realize how alone I've been for a while now. My eyes stay trained on the page filled with loving words and I feel myself get emotional.

I purse my lips together, trying to hold back tears, but, at a sensation under my chin, I let out a singular sob.

Billie lifts my face and looks into my eyes, "You wanna?" She mouths.

I nod and another sob escapes my throat.

Billies bottom lip pokes out slightly as she witnesses my tears, and she moves the journal out of the way, placing it on the nearby coffee table.

I try to stop my tears, but to no avail. I cover my face with my hands, ashamed of my emotions, but Billie wraps her arms around me and pulls me into her lap.

I sit sideways in Billies lap, the rest of my legs laying across the couch, and I lean my shoulder into the beautiful girl's front, hiding my face in her neck.

Billie's hand comes up to pet my hair as I try desperately to catch my breath through my tears.

After some time, I've calmed down my tears, my body still wrapped tightly in Billies arms. I take a few deep breaths and sit up to look into her eyes.

We stare into each other, my eyes shameful and embarrassed, and hers tentative and loving. She gestures to my bedroom and I nod, tired from crying, and desperate to feel closer to her.

She smiles slightly and slides her hands under my knees and behind my back, picking me up as she stands.

I snuggle into her front as she walks us to my room and reluctantly pull away as she places me down, taking off my shoes. I lay down under the duvet as she takes off her own shoes and I watch as she walks around to the other side of the bed.

She slides under the covers and pulls me into her front, my face hiding back into her neck. I wrap my leg around her waist, never wanting her to leave, and close my eyes.

After a few minutes of just being together, Billie takes my hand and begins to play with my fingers, interlocking them with her own and bending them into different positions.

I let out a little giggle as she bends down all my fingers except the middle one, and she keeps going. After a few minutes, she seems to get an idea.

She bends my fingers into the 'C' handshape and holds it there for a moment. Next is the 'A' handshape, then the 'N'.

She completely unravels my hand, and starts again, 'I'.

Can I...

It takes her a second to get my fingers to stay in place, but she soon makes a 'K' with my hand.

Then an 'I'

Then an 'S' two times over.

I begin to feel giddy as I predict the rest of the sentence in my head.

'Y'

'O'

'U'

I squeal a little bit in excitement, ready to say yes-

'R'

Wait, what?

Lemme tell you if this bitch asks to kiss my cheek, I'm gonna throw hands. Read the room, girl.

'P'

I wait patiently as she folds my fingers back into a 'U' shape.

Then an 'S' two times over again.

I squeal and yank my hand out of her grip, not allowing her to finish the sentence. I open my eyes to look at her and she has this fake concerned face on, "Not finished," she signs.

I point to my lips, vocalizing my words, "Right here, Baby."

A shit-eating grin grows on her features and she leans into me, keeping our lips barely touching for a few moments before connecting them in a passionate kiss.

I feel a tingling sensation all through my body, from the tips of my toes to the ends of my fingers, as I kiss back.

After a few long seconds, we part, and I stare into her eyes, getting lost in them as usual.

I interlock my fingers with Billie's and squeeze her hand, finding any way I can to just...get...closer. Billie takes our intertwined hands, and lifts them to softly kiss the back of my palm.

I tighten my leg around her waist and lean into her chest. Billie wraps her arms around me and rolls over to lay on her back, keeping me on top of her.

I rest my head in her boobs, plenty satisfied with our current position, and sigh contently.

As we lay there, I doze in and out of sleep, wanting to stay awake for these precious moments, but too wiped to keep my eyes open.

I feel Billie leave a small kiss on my head and I squirm from the butterflies.

As I take in these beautiful moments and Billie's soft strokes down my back, I think back to the people walking out of the store.

How many of them are cuddling someone right now? How many of them aren't? How many of them need someone to hold them but have no such person? How many of them couldn't care less about cuddling?

I can't imagine not enjoying this, personally, but I suppose everyone is different.

All I hope is that Billie has nowhere to be anytime soon. I need this.

I've needed this.

We lay there for a long while, taking in each other's presence and finding any opening we can to get closer to one another.

When I finally go to sit up, I take my hands and place them each on her shoulders to peel myself up off of her.

She looks up at me with adoration in her eyes, lifting her hand to swipe a loose hair behind my ear.

I quickly lean down and place a peck on Billie's lips before sitting all the way up and grabbing the journal to write something.

A/n:

I need cuddles.

Also, I started a new book! It's called Questioning and it's on my profile n stuff. Go check it out I think you'll like it!