The God Of Surprises

7 - The Run

*Y/N'S POV*

My alarm went off and I shut it off quickly. Luckily Bucky had gotten used to my early morning runs and it didn't even phase him anymore. I kissed his cheek gently before getting up and getting ready.

I met up with Sam and we stretched together like usual. Sam was talking about his date with Crystal last night and I was barely there, just gave a few "oh, wows" "that's good" and Sam knew something was off.

"What's up, bug? You've been practically screaming at me to meet someone for months and now I have and you don't even care. Talk to me."

"I had a weird night."

Sam rolled his eyes. "What did Buck do now?"

"Oh, no. Nothing. Just walked in the house with Loki last night."

"I'm sorry, what?!" Sam froze. "Loki? As in-"

"As in my dead ex boyfriend, dead baby daddy, dead, dead Loki. Yeah. Apparently not dead."

"Holy shit. You wanna skip the run today?"

"We can jog and talk. I need to do something. I feel like my head is going to explode."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, so spill. What happened to him? Why now?"

"I don't know yet. We hadn't actually talked about it. He seemed overwhelmed and I'm sure finding out about Nathan was a lot for him."

"Shit, I forgot he didn't even know about the kid... that's rough. How's Bucky handling it?"

"I have no idea." I really didn't, Bucky hadn't actually talked to me about anything, and he seemed so fine when Loki came back but he also had lots of experience with not feeling things. "I just feel like there's so much right now. My life was so simple yesterday morning and now I don't know anything."

Sam stopped and waited for me to stop too. "I'm going to be that guy, because I'm your best friend. Now that Loki is back, do you still want to be with Bucky?" I stared at him in shock. "Because you know he's thinking it. They both are."

"I love Bucky, Sam. He's my fiancé."

"And yet you never married him. Something was holding you back. And I think that something just showed up on your doorstep."

"Sam..."

He held his hand up to stop me. "Bug, I love you. Your taste in men, eh. But I love you and your little demon spawns. Whoever you choose will be the luckiest man in the universe, but I think this time, you will really have to choose." Sam walked towards me and grabbed my hand.

I didn't speak, I couldn't. I hadn't even had the thought that both men would be expecting a decision. And truly, I never made it. It was made for me and I had been happy with that. With the life Bucky and I made together. To choose Loki at this point would be insane, wouldn't it?

And then I replayed losing him slowly in my head. The hope that was crushed by Thor showing up. The emptiness in my heart I felt. It took so long for me to stop dreading Saturday's. Even now, Bucky knows not to plan things on that day.

Bucky. My loving, considerate, sweet man.

I couldn't imagine losing Loki again, let alone what that would mean for Nathan... my poor boy.

What the hell was I going to do?

I sat down on the ground, still not speaking as Sam walked over to sit next to me. He didn't speak, just wrapped his arms around me as I sat there, head in my hands.

"How the hell did I get here, Sam?" I looked up at him and I saw the sadness he felt for me in his eyes.

I replayed my last few years in my head, focusing on the two men I loved, I felt confused and conflicted. I only knew one thing for certain.

This was going to fucking hurt.