Between The Lines {H.S}

4. You are my Sun, Love -H

Hey you,

You're not Mar, hell I don't even know your name, all I know is that you've been here all along since the very beginning. But you know mine. Harry, H, Curly Fry, big impulsive fucking idiot, whatever you prefer.

This letter is for you, and for you only.

I managed to spare a piece of paper just for you on purpose, I feel like I owe it to you in a sense. There are many reasons why I wanted to write this to you specifically so bare with me here.

I remember when I first started writing in my journal I was writing aimlessly on these pages directed to nobody in particular, but then it hit me.

I was really writing to you this entire time. I was writing for you, you stuck with me through my darkest times remember? Because in reality if you really think about it, all this time you have known me more than anyone.

You were the first person to know about the accident with my parents, how it made me feel and how it completely fucked me up.

You read through my ugly ups and downs, you were the first person I ever told about Mar, how I had no idea who she was at the time. How she was simply just this girl I met at a gas station one day who simply ended up sticking with me forever.

On June 14th 2014 I wrote an entry, I'm sure you sort of remember all the sappy, depressing, brutal shit I was throwing at you, yet you read it anyways, even though you were never obligated to, you still did. That tells me a lot about you and the person you are.

I was right when I said you are a ray of sunshine.

Mar is the ocean, the stars, and you are the sun.

Remember when I told you that day, when I complete this journal that I would simply just burn it, because I didn't have anyone to give it to, or to share my experiences with?

Well turns out I've had you all along, it's been you this whole time can't you see? You played a huge role in my insane, complicated yet beautiful life. You laughed with me and probably at me, you bawled your fucking eyes out, you yelled at me, you got really fucking angry with me at some points (I get it), you cheered me on, you took me for who I am.

I had told you that writing on these pages and opening up this journal when I needed it has always been my escape, I really hope that maybe these pages could be somewhat of an escape for you. You can look back on all the fucking stupid shit I have done and said, laugh, maybe learn from my idiotic mistakes, or maybe just find bits and pieces to relate to.

I want that for you.

I want the best for you, I want you to be happy because guess what?

I wasn't happy for the longest time, until now and I'm still working through things, I'm still dealing with my own bullshit because nobody is perfect, (corny? Yes, but true). It takes time to figure out what truly makes you happy and to heal so don't push yourself, don't rush yourself, don't compare your life to others because you are you. That's what makes you so fuckin bad ass.

Because there is never going to be another you.

God, I can't believe you've witnessed some of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Like when Rain had walked in on me butt fucking naked with Marley on top of me, or when I screamed like a little bitch when Marley's cat got too close to me, or when I simply just couldn't control my emotions and had these full on breakdowns.

It wasn't just Mar who sat with me on the floor. You've always been there too.

And when you're having one of those days when you just wanna sit on the floor and cry in the shower with a bottle of whisky like I tend to do, open these little letters, these journal entries, because you're never alone.

I got you darling.

Has anyone told you that they are proud of you lately?

If not, fuck them, because I am and I don't even have to see your face to tell you that, because every day is a brand new day, I'm proud of you for even just hopping out of bed in the morning, and I mean if you don't hop out of bed in the morning and choose to just lay there in your own little world, I'm still proud of you.

Oh, and one last thing.

Don't forget about me. Please.

Because I will never , ever forget about you. My ray of sunshine that has broken through the darkest clouds for me on my darkest days. Reading my thoughts does more for me than you know.

It makes me feel heard, and I guess I finally have been heard.

Will you hear from me again is the question.

What if I just decide that this is the very last little message you'll hear from me?

I'm fucking with you, I'll definitely be talking to you again, there's still so much I need you to know.

You are my sun.

-H