I'm Tired

Chapter 2

In my past life, I was given martial arts and magical training to protect myself. I have bloodied my hands. I killed many people. I remember their screams, the blood, and the horror in their eyes. 'I'm not a monster. It was for my survival', I told myself numerous times. I grieved their deaths. I tortured many. The stench of blood still lingers

I'm no saint, death doesn't discriminate.

I had no parental love because I was adopted. They never saw me as their child and I never saw them as my parents. We had a mutual understanding. I understand what it means to be a filial child. There was acting involved with this fake relationship. We looked like a real family on the outside. On the inside, we know nothing nor care about each other.

I can do the same exact thing to Claude. I honestly don't forgive him for what he did, but without him I'm doomed. I don't like the idea of using him, but I don't want to open my heart just to let it get destroyed. I need his political power.

I don't run, I never run. This is why I was killed by an assassin. I smiled when I died. I was glad that my life of acting came to an end.

I'll probably go with the original plot of "Who Made Me a Princess". I'll change the parts where life-threatening things await. If I do go with Lovely Princess I'm probably going to kill myself or kill Jennette and Claude. I need to think rationally, my mana is spiraling out of control.

Breath in. Breath Out

Lily saw the scene. She was bewildered. She ran to the princess and carried her.

"W-what are you doing? Can the princess use magic?!"

Shit. I internally cursed. I didn't want people to know. I beg of you Lily not to tell anyone.

"Awusha"

Lily seemed to understand and finally left. 

How did she know? I don't know anymore. I was really bored and tired. What did I do? I made a phone and my whole computer set up out of magic. If you miss something or need something.

Just magic it. (My new slogan)

Instagram is a bust, all my followers are gone. My contacts are gone too. What did I expect? At least I can use GOOGLE and YOUTUBE. (She can use youtube because the videos are pre-recorded. It is the same for anime series and she can reread "Who Made Me a Princess. Google works because they are pre answered. She doesn't need a charger nor wifi. It's all magic. She can also use the camera. Lots of memories will be saved.)

Am I scared of my unseen father? No, I'm scared of myself.

Am I scared of dying? No, I died once already.

Am I scared of the abuse the maids give me? No, I've gone through worse.

Am I scared of Jennette? No, she's still a child.

Am I scared of being left heartbroken? Yes, it's hard to fix a broken heart since you have only one. If you want to break something, break my bones. I have 206.

I'm tired of running from the problem but scared to see the wound. I can tell by Lily's face that she can see the emptiness within me. Something a child should not have

If you check my body you can barely see the battle scars but It will still be there and even if it's gone I can still feel the pain. Even here I still have the tattoo that binds my soul. Even if I try to flee it comes back to me. The tattoo is under my collarbone. It's a butterfly. The butterfly symbolizes Spiritual Immortality or even Temporary Element of Life. The butterfly is bound by chains in the tattoo. That means I'm literally a slave. To others, this will look like a birthmark.

I'm stuck in this dreadful place. I too have emotions but to others, I'm a doll, a puppet, a marionette. I wonder if Jennette ever felt this way. It hurts to be used. It hurts to follow their bidding. I want to be free but no one can break that.

Will I ever be free?

I'm tired.

Someone help, please.

I want to fly with the rest of you...

I want to spread my wings and fly but I'm stuck in a cage.

____

A/N:

I'm going to try writing longer. This story is based on a dream I had. I dreamt it so I wrote it. I'm still working on a plot so I might not update in a while. I'm gonna pull a whole uno reverse when Athy meets Lucas. Just wait for it. Should I make Jennette evil?

Word Count: 737