I'm Tired

Chapter 5

In my first life, I heard whispers. The voice was warm. Little did I know those voices will be the death of me. They used me until I was at my limits. They told me everything and my fate. They told me everything I had to do. When I needed them most, they left me to face it myself.

They told me I was God's child. I am undying. I barely know anything about these voices. Just stop using me...please not me. I don't wanna do this. I want it to stop. The warm voices told me to kill, kill, kill...H-help where is my salvation when I need it the most. It was kill or be killed.

They told me I can never escape their grasp. They were right. Compared to them I was a harmless butterfly that can fly too close to the light and die. I was chained down inside the cage. I did what they told me. Was it all for their entertainment? I was used, abused, accused ...Can it stop...please. 'I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN IT' I screamed in my head. I didn't want to. I was a mindless puppet that obeyed every command. If I didn't follow I would get reprimanded for it. 

When I died I was glad that I didn't have to hear their voices. Even if it was for a little while. I enjoyed the quietness. The darkness was my soul. I was empty as ever. I was falling into an endless abyss. Into despair...

I was reborn. This time I had more power and new abilities. I learned that power does not fill that void of emptiness in my past life already. The void was deep. I went through it during my death. What did I usually yearn for? Warmth. I yearned for warmth. It was a feeling, was it love? I wanted to know if I'll finally feel happy. When Lilian gave me motherly love. I knew I was smiling more and that I started hearing the whispers less. The same thing happened with my father. I think he grew on me. I started to roast him less. The more people gave me love or the love I gave them. The burden eased. The chains seem to be slowly getting lighter.

What the hell happened with Lucas then. One of my chains snapped open with him. Do I have to give that jerk love?

After the meeting with Lucas, he turned himself into a child about the same age as me. He seemed to visit me more often and try to persuade me to give him my shinsu. I was obviously pissed. He didn't even try to notice. He walked into my bedroom like he owned the place and would always demand things. He'd just teleport and disturb me whenever I was drawing or on my phone. If he did something annoying I'd use my 'I Don't Give a Fuck Smile'. If he says something disturbing I'd punch him. I'd yell a lot too. We have a strange relationship.

"What are we friends, frenemies, acquaintances?" I say in an exasperated tone

"I don't know"

I gave him my 'I Don't Give a Fuck Smile'. Ha, we are not friends. Definitely not compatible.

"Ha, It doesn't matter." I use magic to change my dress into a white blouse and black pants. I sit down with my legs spread apart and slouch. I only do this when no one is looking, I still have to maintain my image. I stopped smiling and started staring at him. The person with me is a no one. Yes, it's decided, he's a no one. At least we have a mutual understanding of each other.