Convergent: a Divergent Fanfiction

Chapter 5: The Crib

- 1 month later -

I have been sick every day since my first appointment at Berkley's. Tobias has helped tremendously, keeping on top of mine and the baby's health. We are scheduled to have another appointment and in a few weeks-where we will be able to see the baby clearer. I am nervous but also giddy with excitement. We've already stared clearing out the room next to ours for a nursery and picked names. For a girl, Natalie. For a boy, Andrew. My parents names. Tobias agrees that our first child should be named after them. We won't know for quite a while what the gender is, but once we went to that first appointment, everything became so real. We cleared out the spare room that night, and when I suggested the names last week, we were out at the market, having found ourselves in the baby section. We've already bought a crib - choosing a sturdy polished oak one with a deep brown color. Something that would work for either gender. It obviously wasn't something we needed right away, but we were both so excited about it that we couldn't help ourselves. I can't help but smile as I peer into the open doorframe at the crib placed in the room. If anything, Tobias is even more excited than me.

"Little Andrew will be in there in just a few months." Tobias whispers in a singsong voice, having snuck up on me watching. He slips his hands around my waist. He rests his chin on my shoulder softly and sighs deeply in my ear. His breath is warm on my neck. I shiver. I whisper back. "We don't know that it's a boy or a girl yet. It could very well be Natalie in there." I giggle, rotate quickly on my heels, and find Tobias's lips. We have become so familiar with each other, each curve of our bodies, or eyes, lips, noses. We are one. "I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. I'm just glad it's ours, Tris. I'm glad it's mine. I don't regret anything. I love you." When tears threaten to spill over my lashes again at his kind words, I kiss him again. He lifts me, and my back is against the doorframe and his hands are on my legs and my hands curl into the fabric of his shirt. My heart rate is increasing and I am short of breath. His hand finds a patch of skin on my lower back and my fingers tighten their grasp on his shirt. We are interrupted by a call from outside the door, Christina, and I pull away quickly from Tobias's lips. He releases his grip on my thighs and I let go of his shirt. He sets me on the floor. I smooth my shirt and speedwalk to the door.

"Hey!" Christina is holding a large brown bag from the market when I gesture for her to come in. "Hey, I thought you could use some-oh!" She stares in shock at Tobias and I panic. Tobias stayed home from worked today because I was abnormally sick this morning, and I really needed his help. "Oh, yeah...yeah. I had some paid time off and it would've gone to waste if I didn't use it soon. Decided to take a long weekend." He is so casual about it. I'm sure it is believable when Christina nods and starts talking about the statues she's ordered for her wedding cake. There's plenty of food for the three of us. Hamburgers with onion and lettuce. Christina had planned on bringing one down to Uriah afterwards. This meal has become sort of an inside joke between us, since I didn't eat my first hamburger until Dauntless initiation, and Christina found that incredible. After we've finished and Tobias has taken all of our dishes off to be washed, Christina dismisses herself to the restroom. I bump Tobias with my hip. "Scoot. I'll wash, you dry?" I ask. He purses his lips. "Oh, Tobias. I'm pregnant, not useless." He laughs at that. "Fine. I'll wash and you dry. Sound fair?" I smile. "It could work." And so it does.

Christina comes back minutes later sporting a disappointed expression and plops herself halfheartedly into a seat. I am putting the last plate up in the cupboard and drying my hands. Tobias has gone to fetch something from his office to show Christina. "What's up?" I ask her, leaning against the oven. "You could at least tell me what happens in your life. I was the first person to tell you when Uri and I got engaged!" She seems almost betrayed. "What are you referring to?" I ask. "I saw the crib." I raise my eyebrows. "The baby crib." In your spare bedroom. It's not like you were trying to hide...the door was wide open." I curse myself inwardly for being so stupid to forget that the door was open. We agreed not to tell anyone about the pregnancy until after our next appointment, so I choose to laugh it off. Oh, it's not-" I start "It's not what I think? Uh huh." She sips on a lemonade I served her while she was in the bathroom. "I don't know why you would've put a baby crib in there and cleaned all the junk away unless it served a purpose." She shrugs. "I guess I'm crazy." She looks seriously annoyed. Christina saying the word baby sounds foreign. "Okay fine. Youcaughtmeimpregnant." I spit the words out so quickly and in a mumble, Christina leans in and says: "Huh?" "We're having a baby." I shrug as if it's nothing. Her mouth hangs open. "Like...a real one?" She asks. "Mhmm." I sip on my tea. "When did you start trying? Are you taking a test soon?" I laugh. She thinks I meant that we are trying to conceive. "No, no. I am actually pregnant." Unfortunately, I've chosen the wrong time to finally say it, because Tobias stands over me with a Manila file folder in his hands. To anyone else, he would seem composed. But I have spent years studying every line, bump, and feature on his face. I know he is enraged that I told her.

"Christina, I'm sorry. I'll have to show this to you next week." She nods, but doesn't speak. She feels the tension like a baggy suffocating us. "Will you be off, then?" Tobias asks. She smiles awkwardly and shuffles out, nearly tripping over her feet. Tobias watches her go, crossing his arms, his face etched with a scowl. I try to back into the bedroom soundlessly. "Tris." Yep. Definitely angry. "Yeah?" I ask, my voice strong, though I am mad at myself too." He turns. "Why would you do that? I wanted to tell my friends and you said no. Then you go and tell Christina?" He demands. He does not yell. "I just...thought she deserved to know." I shrug. "And you think Zeka and Shauna don't? It's not all about you, Tris! They were supposed to find out at the same time! We agreed. First you keep the news from me for two weeks in the first place, then this? It's true that you're the mother Tris, but I'm the father. I thought I deserved a say!" His words light a fire somewhere in my core. "You just wish Shauna had chosen you!" I shout. "What? Is that was this is? Jealousy? If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't. If I wanted to be with Shauna, I would." He says. "Maybe you should be." My words are icy. I didn't mean them. Tobias clenches his jaw and yanks his coat from the coat hanger. As he starts to turn the doorknob, I follow him, starting to cry. Desperately trying to find an apology. "No. I am taking a walk. Alone." He says, and I nod, a tear falling. He either doesn't notice or doesn't care, I'm guessing the latter because he slams the door shut anyway. Every part of me wants to wish I could take it all back. I cry for a long time. I cry until I can't cry anymore and I am asleep on the couch within the hour.

I wake up to Tobias's arms wrapped around me and his head lying on my chest. I start to cry again. "I don't want to do this." I say. "Do what?" He asks, wiping my eyes with his sleeve. "Have this-" I hiccup and try to catch my breath through sobs. "Have a baby. I'm sorry." I hug him and bury my face in his coat. He rubs his palm over my hair and says: "I know, I know. It's okay. We can do this. We can have that baby." He rests his hand on my tummy and gets on his knees. He is now talking directly to the baby. "Hi, little one. It's Daddy. I love you. I love you very, very much. Mommy too." He grabs my hand and looks up, smiling. I am crying again, but for all the right reasons. "I can't wait to meet you." He adds, then lifts my shift up and kisses my nonexistent baby bump. My stomach is still perfectly flat. To the eyes, there is no evidence that I am pregnant. "Nothing is okay, but we are." Tobias said this to me, years ago when we were in the Amity compound. I hold on to that statement like one might hold on to a diamond, or a letter from a loved one. I am pregnant, and we are not ready, and I told Christina when I shouldn't have, and Tobias works too much, and neither of us has any family left.

but we are okay.

*/ authors note: woah did you guys think I left?? 😂😂 I would never do that! I got loads of comments saying stuff like "update convergent" or "OMG you lazy crap" but here I am! It's so nice that you guys care enough to read on. This chapter was pretty great to write, so I'm hoping it's fantastic to read. Sorry for the wait!
-Maggie (@fourtriswut) <4