Desiring You

Chapter 27

Miley

I felt safe in Aiden's arm. Whenever he wrapped his arms around me, I felt like no one could harm me. It was a new feeling, feeling someone's warmth.

I liked it when he had his arm around my waist protectively. His touch distracted me from my intrusive thoughts.

I was starting to feel better whenever he complimented me. I knew my enemy were my intrusive thoughts. Jessica taught me how to cope up with them years ago but now I couldn't do it. I tried controlling all those thoughts but sometimes they ended up controlling me.

Sometimes I felt useless, sometimes angry and sometimes I felt nothing like I was empty.

As we left the dorm, I found myself moving towards Aiden's car. My legs slowed resisting to move towards it. I knew what was happening. Shaking my head, I looked towards Aiden who had already sensed my discomfort.

"What happened?" He asked turning completely towards me.

"I don't... I can't go in that" my heartbeat was increasing and I was starting to feel scared. All the sudden urge to cry took control in my body.

"Okay, okay we are not" I heard his fear in his anxious voice.

I wanted to tell him but I knew he wouldn't understand what I was feeling. Those thoughts were returning. I didn't like it. I was getting scared, irritated and upset. Turning my heels I ran back to my dorms. I ran like my life depended on it. Opening the door I met with my bed and cried. I wanted to cry untill nothing was left. I had to cry, I deserved it. It was my fault that my dad died. I was a f*cking disgusting b*tch who was selfish.
I should have died. I saw my dad, the car hit him. His body was lying next to me. I could smell the blood, it was all over the road. His face was covered with blood. All I could hear was siren.

"Miley" I heard someone call me. "Baby look at me" it was Aiden.

I hated that he always stayed with me, with a person like me.

"Miley" I saw him looking at me. I hated the way he looked at me. He knew I was a disgusting person, he knew he should have left but he always stayed.

"Get lost Aiden. I f*cking hate you" I yelled pushing him away from me as hard as I could.

"Miley, please look at me" he said keeping his distance from me.

"LEAVE" I took the pillow next to me to throw it at him.

"Okay, I'll leave but please calm down" he said walking towards the door.

The shutting of door confirmed his departure and I was left with myself.

The feelings were causing me chest pain. I was sweating and crying. I remembered what Jessica told me about catastrophic thinking but I couldn't stop. I wasn't strong enough. Another wave of sadness overtook my body and mind. Trying my best I avoided those thoughts which were ready to jump in my mind again.

"Aiden" the words escaped my lips without thinking. But then I heard a knock on the door.

"I'm still here baby. If you need me, call me."

I ran to the door. Swinging the door knob, I saw him standing in front of me.

"Hi baby" the words broke me. Hugging him tightly I apologized multiple times.

"It's okay beautiful, you didn't hurt me" he said leading me inside the room.

"Aiden,I don't like cars. They remind me of... Of the trauma" I said.

"I understand baby. We'll never use it for your sake. I'll throw it away if you want" I knew he was trying to make me feel good which made me feel awful.