The Dare (Dylmas)

1.09

Thomas' POV.

I need to speak to Dylan today. He needs to know how I'm really feeling right now. I do love him, so much, but I do have those deep, dark feelings that he will hurt me. Or that maybe I'm not capable to love someone so deeply anymore because of what happened to me. I need to tell him how damaged I feel right now, how damaged I will always probably feel in the depths of my hurting heart. Even though I feel like I do not love Rosa, she has left her mark on my soul forever. I know it might not be the right way to look at the situation I'm in, but it's the truthful way to look at it.

I would much rather me being honest with myself and accept that I might not get better from it, that she has left her mark on my life forever and I feel as if the way she manipulated me will always be something in the back of my mind, even if I'm the happiest I can be. I'm glad that I can accept that rather than telling myself and Dylan that our life and our relationship will always be perfect and I've completely forgot everything that happened to me. But I know I haven't. I know it. It's not the best feeling to have, but at least I know it's the truth. But I need to tell Dylan, before he gets himself too deep... in case he wants doesn't want me because of it. If he doesn't, I won't mind - well I do. But I would understand. It's not easy to have a lover with a troubled past.

I hesitated for a moment but took out my phone and clicked on Dylan's contact.

-

Tommy🌚: Hey Dyl, we need to talk.

Dyl-Prickle🥒: talk about what? are you okay love?

Tommy🌚: It's nothing to worry about, I just need to get a few things off my chest to you.

Dyl-Prickle🥒: you don't want to leave me already do you? i mean if you do then i mean... you know. but do you?

Tommy🌚: No, of course not. I love you. But I need to speak to you about how I've been feeling and I don't think it would be fair to leave you hanging and not tell you what's going on inside my mind.

Dyl-Prickle🥒: of course love. is everything okay?

Tommy🌚: Yeah. Just kind of prepare yourself a little maybe. It's not the best conversation.

Dyl-Prickle🥒: okay. call me whenever you're ready.

-

Dylan's POV.

I feel so nervous. Even though Tommy has already told me that he doesn't want to leave me, I still had that feeling in my chest - not that he is going to. Just my head, I guess. The "we need to talk" scares me so much I can't help but think about mine and Wills situation, again. Even though it isn't the same. I know how different both situations are, but my mind still tells me these things, I've never known why. Being lost in my thoughts, I waited a moment longer for the call from Tommy. Minutes later, I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket - Tommy. I took my phone out of my pocket and answer the phone, anticipating what he might say to me in these next minutes.

"Hi love, how are you?" I started, trying to make this conversation seem fine.

"Hi. I'm okay." He answers. By the look on his face, I know it's something serious.

"Speak to me whenever you're ready. I'm listening." I reassured him. Even though he still looked tense, I could tell he is relieved to know that I'm ready to hear whatever he needs to say. That I am really there for him.

"I don't want to lie to you Dylan. So I'm just going to tell you the truth and let you take it from there and tell me how you feel." I nodded to him, to indicate that I'm still listening without interrupting him. "Dylan. I just want you to know that this relationship isn't going to be sunflowers and rainbows, not at all. This relationship will probably be different to any you have been in before. It isn't my fault, it's Rosa. She's completely ruined me. My whole perception of love, and of course I love you, but it's still hard to love you as hard as I can. I can't fully love you the way I want to because of what she has done to me. I don't think this is something I can fix either- I don't want to give you false hope that I can be, because I really think she has done me in. I hate it. I will doubt us a lot, because I always trusted Rosa. She will always have that impact on my life that I just can't seem to escape. I'm so sorry, Dyl. I really am."

"Tom, I will always love you. I know you're struggling right now and you will be for a while. But I promise to be there for you for every second of it, even if you can't love me completely. I hope you know that I understand and that I will always be here to help you no matter what. I won't stop fighting for you. I never will, I love you." I told him. Again, he looks so reassured that I don't want to give up. I can't give up on him, it isn't his fault that he's like this.

"There is another thing that I think you should know. After I tried to commit suicide a few months before I met you, that was one of the darkest points of my life. But I just want you to know that recently I've had feelings like that again since what happened. I just want you to be aware of that. I'm really struggling Dylan." He confesses to me. My heart sank a little. I hate the thought of him even feeling like that for a moment - it really does just break my heart.

"Tommy, your recovery will always be my priority." I tell him.

"Thank you."

After the deep conversation we had, we started talking about lighter subjects and I focused on trying to make him laugh and cheer him up that little bit more than I usually would. I sent him pictures of me and Tyler when I was bald, I sent him videos from my old youtube channel while I sang the Spice Girls. Every little thing I thought of to try and cheer Tommy up, I did it. Even though I'm permanently embarrassed. Anything to make him smile. I showed him another picture of me and Tyler when I had my bald phase.

"Tyler seems like a cool guy. I like him." Tommy told me.

"Yeah, he's a good guy. I think he'd really like you." I reply.

"Do you think you'll tell him - about us." He asks me, looking right at me through the phone, his stare going right through me.

"I want to, but I'm way to scared to. Do you think you'll tell your friend about me? What's her name again? Kaitlyn? Kira? Kiara?" I question.

"Kaya. I know she'd accept it, 100%. But I have the same fear as you. I can't tell her. I just have this fear in the back of my mind that she won't want to speak to me anymore or something like that, you know?" He asks me.

"Yes. I feel the same."

"I wish we could just tell them. I hate hiding things from Kaya." He tells me. Suddenly his eyes light up and he almost jumps out of his seat with what seems to be excitement. "I have the best idea ever."

"What is it?" I ask him.

"We could tell them for each other." He tried to explain.

"What?" I ask.

"So basically, I tell Tyler that you are going out with me and that you're gay and YOU tell Kaya that I'm gay and that I'm going out with you. That way we both don't need to be worried because you're telling my friend and I'm telling yours." He explains.

"Thomas Sangster, you are a genius."