The Dare (Dylmas)

2.02

Thomas' POV.

It's 7am. The sun beams crept through my blinds and onto my bed and starts to blind me slightly. I stood up for a moment and turned my blinds until it was dark in my room once again, the sun was still able to make itself known in my room slightly, but it doesn't bother me too much. I'm tired. I'm so very tired, but I can never seem to fall asleep these days. My head feels like it's starting to spiral. I can never think straight anymore, until I'm speaking to him. I don't understand how, but Dylan always finds a way to make me feel normal again, like I am capable of a love beyond Rosa holding me back. He still has faith in me, he believes that I'm worth more than what Rosa ever said I was. I will never understand this belief he has in me.

Personally, I think I'm just a lost cause. I don't think Dylan should keep trying to fix me. I'm not able to be fixed, I've been broken down by Rosa to the point I think I'm beyond repair. Like that car your grandad has had since before you were born, but he was never ready to let go of it. I'm that car, the grandad in this situation, is Dylan.

I've been used for a long time, damaged and almost useless after the abuse. But Dylan just isn't ready to give up on me yet, the car still has potential. Dylan still believes that the car has the potential to be something more. But the car is still beaten down, defeated. I feel so defeated.

I stare at the ceiling, time going past me like its meaningless, minutes go faster than I could've anticipated, everything just feels hopeless. I feel like the lost cause I was always so terrified of being. I hate what Rosa did to me. Why did she have to ruin me so badly? I think if it had not lasted so long I could have that potential to 'recover'. But it went on for way too long, I shouldn't even be here at this point. That is truly how damaged she has made me. It hurts. My chest feels tight and my throat feels sore. Tears relentlessly pour down my face as I sob into my pillow. Everything hurts, my heart, my head, my throat, just everything. It feels so painful. Why is love painful? Why me? Why couldn't it have been a bad person. I don't think I'm a bad person, I've never hurt anybody in my life, I've always looked out for everyone I know. I guess that's just the way life has to be...

Unfair.

After my long reflection on my life, I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths until I found myself fast asleep on my damp pillow.