Scoundrel With A Noble Heart (sequel of Disgraceful)

Chapter 13

Her eyes dimmed a bit, and she averted her gaze.
"Not anymore. He is happily married, and now he and his wife are expecting their first child. I think the baby should have arrived by now."

Arabella recalled the bittersweet message he wrote for her in a farewell letter smuggled in by a maid who was from the same town as he. He also told her to forget him and wished her love and happiness.

A foolish joy, or something like that soared within him, and he felt both guilty and delighted at the same time. He tried to sound genuine when he muttered,
"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm fine. Really. It's over now."

"Well, I'm sure one day you'll get married too and have children of your own."

"I don't think so."
Her face took on a serious expression.
"I will never get married. I don't want to be any man's possession. I want to be an independent woman like Aunt Ginny."

Quite taken aback by the statement, Matthew was unsure how to respond.
"Well, that sounds a bit... unusual for a young woman to say such things. But never mind, you can always change your mind."

She frowned upon him.
"What do you mean by that?"

"I just... I don't get it. I mean, there are worse things than being married. In fact, it is not a bad thing at all. Isn't it every woman's dream to get married to a decent man who will provide and protect them for the rest of their life?"

"It's not that simple. Do you think it's enough just to have a house and somebody to provide everything you need?"

"Well, it's more than I could ever ask for."

"Matthew, I know security and welfare are important, but there's more to life than that."
Arabella averted her eyes and gazed into the void.
"You know, despite the fact that they are living under the same roof, my parents have been leading a separate life. My father doesn't have a mistress, but everyone knows he cares little about my mother. And mother, she is embittered because she feels her needs and expectations have been grossly undermet. She throws herself into as many social engagements as possible to keep herself distracted from her own disillusionment."

"My eldest sister, Amelia, married an earl. She believes her purpose in life is to find a husband and give him heirs, other than that, she has no other value. She'd secured a perfect match in her first Season and got married shortly afterwards. She once said she felt truly blessed to bear his husband's heir and their other four children. Now her husband has an opera singer tucked away somewhere in a fancy apartment in the city, she never stopped blaming herself for not being pretty enough and she considers herself worthless because her husband finds her less desirable than his mistress."

She paused to draw breath, and soon resumed,
"And there is my sister-in-law, Sophie. She said marrying my brother Aidan was a dream come true and there was nothing else she could ever want. She also told me that reformed rakes make the best husband. You know what, Aidan is nowhere near reforming. He got married only to appease my parents, and society. After their marriage, he continues his dalliances with numerous women, and now I can't remember the last time I saw Sophie smile."
As she ended her story, her face tautened with indignation.
"You know, I don't believe that a woman's value is determined by her ability to produce offspring for her husband, or to meet any man's standards."

"I agree with you, but you know, it's a rather unfashionable idea."

"I never aimed to be a conformist."
She promptly replied with a proud, determined note in her voice, and Matthew couldn't stop a smile touching the corner of his lips.
"I'd say you're anything but."