I'll Have a Blue Christmas (As Long As You're Here With Me)

Spicy Curry

'"Enji no! Please let him at least have dinner! It's so late already, please!"

Shouto was dropped to the floor, his face slamming against the wood. He felt every vibration as his father walked away, pushing his mother away from the doorway.

"Come to the bathroom to get cleaned. You have tutoring tomorrow."

He hated when her voice became solemn like that. When she sounded and acted so defeated. She wouldn't even carry him anymore. Wouldn't even look at him.

She was scared of him. The same way she was scared of Enji.

And Shouto hated himself for it, but was so oblivious to the things they went through that he could only act like he was okay. Like she was okay.

He met her in the bathroom, where she'd pulled out a small stool for him to climb on. He did, and noted the damp washcloth on the sink. He wiped his face with it, enjoying the cool feeling after a day of nothing but heat.

Rei eyed the bruises on his face. Those needed to go. If the tutor saw and started asking questions, everyone would be in for hell.

She filled the sink with cool water, not so cool to be uncomfortable though. She pulled his hair back from his face. "Dip your face in there, Shouto. It will make the swelling go down."

He listened. He always listened. His face dunked underneath the surface of the water and he waited for her to tell him to come back up.

After a few seconds of waiting under the water, he pushed himself back up, only to be roughly pushed back down, causing him to release whatever air was in his lungs.

He struggled against his mother's hand. Trying to release her grip gently as he could. He let out a scream, but it wasn't heard by her. She was completely out of it. In a daze, confused of who she was doing this to.

He used the rest of the strength he had to push her back and gasped for air before she could push him back under.

She made contact with the wall, which seemed to wake her up. She looked at her soaked son, her wrist which was red from his grabbing.

"I-" she tried to drown him. "Shouto you- I-"

He always forgave her. She'd hurt him before, and he always looked the other way. She doubted it was because he really wanted to.
This is what he was used to. Shouto knew what Endeavor did was bad. But he only ever registered the things Enji did to Rei. If it was him being hurt, it didn't matter. That was the love he knew.

Being grabbed by the hair and told to take the abuse, that was the love he knew.

Nearly drowning by his mother's hand, that was the love he accepted. The only love he'd known.

The type of love where his mother had horrible mood swings and delusions. Where she would be happy one moment, depressed the next. Where he was mistaken for the villain that was his father, and his mother would hurt him. Try to murder him, without even knowing.

"I'm sorry momma. I won't hurt you again."'

Shouto jolted upward, pressing a palm to his chest as if that would slow his breathing. He did his best to calm himself, clutching the blanket in his hand and squeezing.

That was an oddly vivid dream. It wasn't a dream, that happened. It was a memory.

He shook himself out of his head and stood, stretching his arms and shoulders, satisfying pops resounding in the room. He went through the process of getting his uniform on, enjoying the peace and quiet of the dorms at this hour. It was unusual to have it be this silent, and it almost felt as if he were the only one in the dorms.