Am I that girl you dream of

3.

TW; Drugs, mentions of alcohol, depression, self harm, and bulimia. Do not read If you are not comfortable. My story will go on to talk about things like these, and more, so if this is something you do not like to read about I suggest finding another fanfic. Also, I will be putting a tw on every chapter that needs one.

"Miss Smith," Professor McGonigal interrupted. I look up from the paper I was in the middle of writing for transfiguration, eyeing McGonigal who was standing right behind me.

I straighten myself up, turning around fully to listen.

"You are requested in the hospital wing."

"What? Is something wrong?" I question, brows furrowing in concern.

"You should go see for yourself." She mumbles, her hand moving to my back.

I quickly gather my things, allowing her to escort me out of the class.

What could this possibly be? I don't think something is wrong with me or a friend for that matter. But I guess we'll see.

As we walk into the hospital wing, I glance over at all of the sick, injured, and upset students.

And then I see Hermione, laying on one of the beds, in pain.

Running over to her, I put her hands in mine.

"Mione! What happened? Are you alright?" I say hurriedly, fixing the pillow she is laying on.

A small groan escapes her lips, but slowly she nods.

The professors around us leave, allowing us to talk privately.

"I'm fine, y/n. But Pansy, she hexed me. Randomly. I don't even know what I did she just fucking hexed me. Started going on about how much of a bitch I am." She mumbled. She winced, scooting over a bit to get in a comfortable position.

"What?! Pansy? And she just hexed you for nothing? I mean you must have done something to piss her off that much. Did something happen between you two?"

She immediately shook her head, eyes widening.

"No, no" She rushed.

"Nothing. I don't know what happen. But please don't do anything, I really don't feel like dealing with drama." She sighed.

"But Mion-"

"Please. Just promise me." She breathed out.

I sighed.

"Fine."

-

"Parkinson!" I yelled, walking over to her in the common room.

Her head shot up, looking me in the eyes before smirking slightly.

"What Smith? Something you want?"

You.

"Yeah, I want to know why the hell you hexed my ex girlfriend?" I questioned.

I stood in front of her, waiting for a response.

"Whoa. Using big words I see?" She chuckled.

She slowly stood up, our faces inches apart.

My breath hitched.

I looked to the side of me.

Draco, Lorenzo, and Blaise are all staring at us, watching to see what will happen next.

"And why do you think I had something to do with your little girlfriend getting hurt?"

"Because she told me Pansy, now cut the shit and tell me why. If it had something to do with me than-"

"Whoa, hold on a second. Why the hell would this be about you?"

"I- Well you said that if that were you this morning you would hurt her. So I just assumed that this is what's going on."

A laugh escaped her lips.

"Is this what she told you or are you so stupid to think that I would actually do something for you? And may I remind you, a Mudblood."

"If you took any time at all to even ask her maybe you would know the reason I hexed her is because she made a move on Draco. Kissed him right in front of me. So no, it wasn't about you Smith, it never is." She chuckled.

As she sat back down I looked at her with astonishment.

"Oh, sorry." I mumbled and walked away.

When I got to my room, I needed to do something to make me feel a little better, after completely making a fool out of myself.

I got some of the leftover cocaine I had, gifted by Theodore Nott, at one of his amazing parties, crushed it up, and putting it in a line on my desk to snort.

I've struggled with addiction for years, something only my dad knows about. He thinks I'm clean currently but oh is he wrong.

I may be innocent to some people, but you never really know what's going on with someone behind closed doors.

I have many mental illnesses, depression, Bipolar, bulimia, and then of course my addiction for drugs and alcohol. But lets not forget self harming either. I had a really hard time dealing with my parents divorce, which sounds stupid now but my parents were always close. so dealing with the sudden change was really traumatic. I went to a few parties and thought it wouldn't be a big deal to experiment but here I am now. And with the other things, those came with being a teenager for me. Struggling with my body, having a hard time coping with things, and some other shit.

People handle things differently, and for me, drugs, alcohol, cutting, and throwing up is my ways of doing so.

-

That night, as usual, I thought of Pansy.

How close she got to me made me feel a certain way that is almost inexplainable. It was almost like the feeling of the first time ever getting high. The euphoric state you get into, that's what she made me feel like.

She made me feel free, even though I wasn't.

I can't be with her and that's a fact. She doesn't want me, but I can't help but still fall for her every second in passing.

lol hey guys, sorry this chapter is shit, I will go back and edit it soon but I was really rushed. I tried my best so I hope you like it. In the meantime go check out my insta. I will post sneak peeks and when chapters are coming out, same with tiktok. Love you guys!!

P.S. Pansy is closeted. I forgot to say that lmao.

-Olive