On Santa's Lap *Published*

Chapter Twenty-One

We hit a million views, thank you so much everyone. In other news failed my law test, 12/20. It's pass but a fail cause its like 60% and I needed a good mark on this cause the exam is worth more. FML. #makemefeelbetter #pplbuymeicecreamplease

It wasn't long before it really started to rain, and we were pretty much drenched in the first ten seconds.

"You should go," I said as I looked at the amount of tissues that were in front of me getting wet, a lot.

"I'll stay,"

"Rach, it's been three hours, you're going to get sick," I said as I wiped my face. My eyes stung, my voice was croaky, everything hurt and my foot was getting pins and needles from sitting for so long.

"Babe I can't just lea-,"

"I'm fine, I don't want to go yet," 

I felt like I needed to make up for all the years I didn't come to the anniversary of their death, the fact I didn't go to their funeral or more look at their coffins. Make up for pretending nothing happened.

"Just go, it's late, its dark and I'll catch a cab home. I'm not ready to go yet,"

And the longer I stayed I felt warmer, I felt like somehow they were here with me. Something I hadn't really felt in a long time.

Rachel reluctantly got up after a bit more persuasion, I mean I was sure she was dying to leave, she's just been sitting here bored and her phone battery probably died ages ago.

"This closes in another hour, just make sure you get to the front, I'll let them know you're back here,"

"Yeah," I said shrugging, I didn't really mind if they locked me in here, they should just give me a blanket, it was cold.

I watched her figure disappear into the dark before I moved closer half lying on the marble gravestone. I could see the drawing Evan had placed down with sticky tape and smiled. I saw Ethan, standing there solemn like I probably did all the years if I rocked up. Jan was the only one who showed real emotion to my parents.

She loved them, she probably showed more affection than Ethan and I. We were just dysfunctional as a family. Ethan was quiet and reserved, and I was a hyper social bumblebee and we never mixed or even spoke. Mum was what made family dinners tolerable, the glue for us three, Dad was just another version of Ethan. But with them gone now, the distance between Ethan and I grew.

It was Jan who helped me find a place, pay rent to a mysterious owner which I knew was just Ethan since he earns more in a year than what I would in a decade. 

"You know that vase that mysteriously broke? I broke it," I traced a pattern absent minded on the stone. How was it still so smooth, so clean?

"And I used to steal your lipsticks and break them, sorry," I still remember mum running around the house trying to look for her missing make up that were always in my room broken. Just the lipsticks, the eye liners just were used up.