Angel Beats! A Step Closer

Act V Chapter 16: Invisible Hand

I thought I had found the escape from my reality.

For some reason, there's always this sort of bias when it comes to people who play video games. It falls outside the imaginary lines of what's expected in a person, ranging from being underweight, having terrible hygiene, or not contributing to society. They're only stuck on a computer or video game console and set their standards low by relying on others without paying them back.

That's how I felt like—a parasite. Being stuck in this comfortable bed for who knew how long changes your self-worth. Only the ever-interesting things that happened in my life were either viewed by a computer screen or when my brother would come and offer me another chance to seek the morning dew. That chilly morning air would somehow complement the shining rays that are only visible by the mist in the air. He took me out a few times, and occasionally one morning had become precisely how I described it. When I finally stepped outside after so long, my breath turned to ice, and my lungs became blue. It was absolutely worth it.

This body that I am in grew more potent for a bit, and then it deteriorated once more. I always thought of it as a miracle, and I hoped it was a sign of good things to come. However, my own body deteriorating had destroyed any hopes of an expected future. A girl like me having the chance to escape being bedridden? To explore the outside world instead of viewing it through a computer screen?

I would have traded almost anything for that opportunity. I'd even consider trading in some of my limbs if such deals ever existed. Only a higher power would offer me an exchange of that extent.

But I was stuck here. Compared to most of those who can't leave their beds, I had to admit I was always at some level of satisfaction. I grew accustomed to a schedule, and whenever there was a change of some sort, I always found it to be a pleasant surprise, even though it wasn't always one. It offered some kind of excitement in this controlled life of mine, but there was always that form of control.

Since my condition was always out of my control, I'm guessing it explains why I grew accustomed to this way.

Sometimes, I think this was my destiny. I was meant to die. Some of my favorite shows to watch while I sat on this bed would be ones that have time travel in it. Being able to go back to the past and change the future had always appealed to me. As for the reasons why they appealed to me, that should be obvious in its own right. Destiny was always a funny thing. Some of these television shows that I watch sometimes talked about a "fixed point in time." They were referring to an event that could never be changed, or the entire fabric of reality would collapse.

My imagination was probably going wild, but I figured that you can always let a girl dream. Sometimes, I'd like to close my eyes and fall asleep thinking I was the main character of my own story. I had secretly hoped that I would be given some sort of arc where I would hop out of my bed at the cost of something. Or I had mysteriously awakened from a long dream, now able to venture out into the world, changing it while using my past as a form of inspiration. I even use inspiration from my favorite shows, games, and even music to make those dreams extremely close to what I would call reality.

I would pluck scenes from my favorite movies and change them up. Then I would open up some music and play it, following along the heavy bass that put me in a sick action sequence or the slow strings that indicated the end of time. I knew that my imagination would never become a reality, but it was these kinds of things that sort of give us our own value. These dreams inspire us to become better versions of ourselves or at least set us a goal of reaching a certain characteristic.

Even in my state, there was plenty of things for me to do to contribute to society. I could be setting myself up for a somewhat reasonable future, and all I need to do is dedicate time, which I seemed to have plenty of. I could get paid offering various online services, get into computer programming, or be a middleman for whatever anyone needs. There is so much free content out there and so much knowledge. The internet is the most revolutionizing thing there is. It's weird for me to say it since it's integrated with our lives for some time now. I have to emphasize that fact.