Angel Beats! A Step Closer

Act II Chapter 6: Perception

Yuzuru wasn't a name he was often called. There were the few rare times he would be called by his first name. The antipathy he experienced as he heard his first name through someone else's mouth extended to the familiars he would call his family. It's just something that goes beyond the understanding of others. Compared to traditional culture, Otonashi's family culture revolved around respect, no matter the person. To be called by your first name is an extraordinary privilege that cannot be offered to anyone else. In his eyes, disclosing your first name to someone and being called your first name are two different ballparks.

No one has called him by his first name in a long time. There were a couple of occasions where he disclosed his name to a few close individuals from the battlefront, but most of them never called him that. As far as he could remember, a certain white-haired girl was the only one given the special privilege of calling him by his first name.

To him, the special privilege of being called your first name is usually granted to the person you choose to marry.

That didn't make any sense to Otonashi because he never said his first name to Iwasawa.

All he could do right now is look away from her pain-stricken red eyes, blind to her tears but wanted to support her. The next words he chooses can determine whether she stays or leaves and will determine their future relationship and the tension within the battlefront. Recalling Iwasawa's relationships within the battlefront, she never seemed to hang around the top brass very much. Nor did it seem to him that she had any close relationships with anyone other than the band she leads. Any other information was unknown to him.

His interaction with her only stemmed because a song she wanted to use as a distraction was shot down by the Afterlife Battlefront's leader, Yuri. Given the merit of the operations they conducted in the afterlife and how loud they can get, he can understand Yuri's decision. However, a thing that always bothered him even today is some of the rash decisions that the battlefront makes under Yuri's rule. Shooting down Iwasawa's song seemed a bit harsh by his standards, and they probably could've utilized it differently. His plan would've been to announce that Girls Dead Monster is releasing new songs. New songs are always worth listening to, especially in a band as mesmerizing as Girls Dead Monster. It definitely would've brought a higher turnout than if they just performed normally. Maybe Iwasawa wouldn't have disappeared so soon.

She was the first person to smile at him when he lost his memories. The first sign of happiness he could remember in the Afterlife was that of her smile. She shared sympathy with him on that day, and he would always look twice in her direction. Once so, he sees her and a second time to view the person she truly was: the music maniac or the ice queen with a gentle heart.

He had to understand. She could probably see why he doesn't.

"Iwasawa..."

No words came out of his mouth as he avoided her gaze, her expressions associated with the damaged feelings of losing someone. He knew exactly what all of the features on her face currently mean. With the recent weeks of him going through the series of emotions, he once again was unable to find the words to give and can only give her his feelings, to which any sensible human being would know that something like that was absurd. If he had to understand, he needs to face her. The promise he made to himself to adapt and push forward against any problem now became a controversial act of devotion.

He always disliked not being able to help, and it's the main reason why he became a doctor in the first place. If only God, whether the real or fake one, could grant him the powers to understand anyone and the world's problems. Maybe his worth as a human being would mean something.