Our Scars (A Cameron Dallas Fanfic)

I want to die (Chapter Twelve)

Micah's POV

We finally left around two in the morning, after all the extra tests had been taken. My parents took Cameron to his house. I begged to stay with him but they refused. I hated them for that too. As soon as we arrived at our own house I stormed upstairs to my room. I hopped on my bed and immediately fell asleep. I thought about sneaking out again but my mom took the focus's keys after they learned I had rode it over there.

I woke up around 6am. Not enough sleep but that was usual. I got up and did my daily routine which consisted of: showering, getting dressed, and doing my hair and makeup.

After my shower, I wiped the steam off the mirror. I stared back at my reflection. "I'm so ugly." "I'm so fat." "I'm fucking disgusting." Are a few of my thoughts while watching the hideous monster staring back at me. I disgust myself in every single way.

I walked to my closet and opened the slide doors. I grabbed a black tank/shirt, black high waisted shorts, and my essential black fish net leggings. I went back to my bathroom and pulled a drawer open. I grabbed a few black bangles and piled them on top of each other on my left arm. I put on a long, gold chain on. I blow dried my hair then straightened it like usual.

On to my makeup, I first started applying a face primer. Next, the perfect foundation and powder. After that I was onto my eyes. I applied a light gray first, then a light layer of a darker gray on top of it. Finally, I added black in the crease. Next, was the eyeliner. I applied it to the top and bottom lash line. I winged it out on the top. After that, I put just a little bit of a glittery eyeliner pencil on top of the eyeliner I already have on. Now, on to my lashes. I curled them then added mascara. Lastly, I brushed a little bit of a pale blush onto the apples of my cheeks, and put on a colorless lip balm.

I went to my closet one last time and grabbed my black Doc Martin's. I got my phone and walked out of my room. I jogged down the stairs like I did as a kid.

"Where are you going?" I heard my mother asking. I turned towards her. "To Alyssa's house." I replied. "Dressed like that?" She questioned. "Yeah, I mean there's nothing wrong with this outfit." She rolled her eyes and continued to watch the tv. I walked out of the house surprised my mom didn't stop me.

I came to the road. I saw cars coming on either side. Tears engulfed my eyes. I hate myself so much. It wouldn't bother me if one of them hit me, I'd actually be thankful. I've had enough. I'm worthless. I took a step into the the road. I brought my other leg down onto the pavement. I took another step. Again and again I moved further into the center of the road. I heard horns beeping, but I didn't care anymore. There isn't a reason to live. The beeping noise became more and more close. Tears poured from my eyes. I heard the tires scrubbing across the ground and brakes squealing.

Out of nowhere a force pushed me out of the way onto the grass. "What the hell were you doing?!" I heard a much too familiar voice ask. I didn't bother to open my eyes. "Are you going to answer me?!" They asked. I swallowed the lump in my throat, "I want to die." They placed their arms around me and began crying into my shoulder. "Why?" they questioned. "I'm tired of everything. I hate my life; I hate myself even more. " I choked out. "Micah, things will-" I interrupted him, "Don't you dare tell me things will get better, you're one of the people know they won't." He sobbed even harder after hearing the words spill from my mouth. "I love you." He cried. I wouldn't say a word. Every time he said that I froze. Nobody could love me. "I love you so much." He said tracing his fingertips across my cuts. "Go away." I whispered. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. I wanted to die why couldn't he just let me? "Go away." I said firmly. I tried acting tough but I was breaking on the inside. "No," he paused, "why?" "Just go." I stated. "I'm not going." He fought back. "Fucking leave!" I demanded. He got up and brushed the grass off his clothes. He stared down at me; while I stared back. He turned his head forward and began walking. I fucked this up just like everything else, typical me. I closed my eyes wishing he would've never pushed me out of the way. The words "I don't deserve to live." kept repeating in my mind. Truth is, I didn't.

A/N:
I DO NOT ENCOURAGE SUICIDE ATTEMPTS IN ANY WAY! IF YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT IT INBOX ME! OR CALL THE HOTLINE! THERE'S A REASON YOU WERE PUT ON THIS EARTH AND I LOVE YOU!