alleredniC

Amour Confession, Chapter 10

I looked at Preston, closing my mouth so it would not get a cramp for dropping all day. I stood up and turned to face both of them. I was bullied, trying not to be depressed, and now I was pissed off.

How dare they say such things without even consulting me! I let out a shaky sigh, I was so torn up inside that I couldn't hold my emotions in for much longer. I felt one tear gracefully slide down my cheek and drip from my chin. I couldn't think of anything to say I contemplated just walking out, or if I should clear everything up.

"R-Ray? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?"

I looked at Preston who was talking so kindly to me, as if he was shielding a chick from the harsh wind. Was I meant to reject him? I trembled a little and my face heated up, my voice was shaky and not confident in itself.

"N-no... But you guys don't underst-"

"Preston you can't ask a girl that all of a sudden, she's been through a lot. Plus that was not private or romantic."

For some reason Radley kept going on and on. It was like he was trying to convince me and Preston to be together. I wiped my tears and grabbed my bag, I ran to the door and down the hallway. Tears were falling behind me as I walked to the end of the parking lot and onto the sidewalk. I heard an echo to my steps and heavy breathing. I turned around to see Preston running after me. I waited for him to catch up to me and take a few breathes.

"R-Ray, I am s-sorry if I did s-something wrong" he took a few more breaths calming down "Radley is cutting you off and mixing your words right? I knew it, when you tried to talk you were gonna reject me and tell him off, right?"

I was really happy that Preston understood how I felt and what I meant, a little. I wiped my tears and softly chuckled to my self and nodded. 

"Thanks Preston.... I am sorry that I c-"

"Please don't say that thought!"

I looked at him confused and irritated to be cut off once again. I tapped my foot waiting for him to continue with his reasons.

"Okay... Raylynn Twine, I do really like you. So please don't reject me just yet. Let's go on a date first okay?"

He smiled at me and I felt bad if I were to lead him on, but he was the one who asked. Plus I can get free food so really I can't refuse. I simply gave a small smile and a nod. Then to my surprise I felt his arms wrap around my and squeeze, I didn't have time to react because he immediately let go when he knew what he did.

"S-sorry I was just... Really happy. So how about tomorrow I will bring you out to eat?"

Still a little stunned by him, I had agreed and walked home. We had decided that he would pick me up at 6:00 p.m. for dinner. I had to admit I was a tiny bit nervous and giddy like a little girl about to see the Disney princesses. I just had to get threw tomorrows school day...

I woke up the next morning and did as I usually did. I braided some of my hair to make a head band across my hair line in a french braid, the rest of my hair was down in loose curls. I wore high waisted denim shorts with lace edges and a sweater with slits up the sides made of a soft, dark brown and charcoal gray, cross stitched material. I put a lace bow that matched the lace on my shorts with dark brown army boots with lacy cut out patterns on the outside. I put on a light brown eyeshadow with metallic accent points in it. I painted on a thin layer of eyeliner making sure the tails on both my eyes were symmetrical before winging my lashes out using mascara. I blinked my bright colored eyes a few times drying the makeup in place and applied a pink lipgloss film over my mouth before making it to my sisters car.

We arrived at school with about thirty minutes to spare still, so I headed to the library. In my school you could carry your back pack around with you to every class so I could go straight to every class without stopping. Once I sat down at a table towards the back I took out my notebook and started writing notes for my History class. That way I could relax while she went over the topics instead of stressing to write down everything then and there. I had finished that in about ten minutes and took out my headphones, I played my music while flipping threw the pages of my English book skimming to find information to write a book talk on, that was due today. After doing finishing my english homework I had ten minutes to spare. I didn't want to risk going to my locker and confronting the girls from yesterday or Radley. I just sat there waiting for the first bell to ring, I didn't want to talk to anyone or socialize. I got bored after a few minutes alone so I walked to my first class and sat down in the back corner of the room. I knew the teachers wouldn't press my to answer questions in class for awhile so I just watched as the flow of students coming into the classroom increased as the minutes passed by. I watched as Radley walked into the room and gave me a side glance, he made his way to the seat in front of me. I really didn't want to look the back of his head or any of him really at the time being. 

The class was in 'quiet' work time, everyone was chatting with their friends when I saw Radley turn around and look at me for awhile before speaking.

"Hey, Ray I didn't mean to be rude yesterday. Will you forgive me and explain yourself so I won't be a jerk again because I misunderstood?"

"Did Preston tell you to say that?"

I looked at him completely unimpressed with his shitty apology or whatever that was.

"...He only told me that I misunderstood and to apologize. But I really do want to know how you are feeling. We are friends, are we not?"

I wish we could be more then friends. I nodded and wished that one day I could feel his soft lips on mine or his warm hands hold mine as we walk down the street or even the halls. To be able to have his arms around me and feel the warmth of love while I doze off. I shiver and frown, great I just made myself depressed... I regret.

"....no."

"What?... Did you say no? Ray I am sorry that I hurt your feelings, but please don't hate me because of it."

I could heard and see the hurt. I didn't mean to damage his feelings, but my emotions spoke for me. I couldn't explain that I was in love with him in the middle of class. My face must have been serious or emotionless because he turned around and didn't speak to me the rest of class. Actually we went all day at school without talking. At the end of the day I was so hurt from Radley not looking at me even once, besides Preston stayed away so his followers wouldn't come near me. I found Radley and walked up behind him quickly tapping him on his shoulder.

"Ray?"

"Radley, you didn't understand me this morning...Come with me, please."

He looked at me, I guessed he was searching my eyes for a reason and he must not have found one because he nodded and followed me. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him to an empty space by the school exit. 

"Radley, when I said I didn't want to be your friends it is not because I hate you."

"Ray, I don't know why you don't want to be my friend then"

"Radley... I love you. It hurts having to be your friend, you don't understand! I can not stand being around you acting like I don't love you!"

I heard my voice cracking under the pressure and pain while getting louder with every word. My hands were sweating and shaking, and my eyes keep blinking nervously.

"Then don't..."

"wha-"

"Then do not be around me. Now, don't ever say that again."

I was shocked and I felt my eyes burn letting my tears build up. I wanted him to smile or wink, letting me know that he was joking. His eyes were cold and strong, I do not know why he said it. Was it that bad that he knew my feelings? I knew he couldn't reply because of Paula. I watched as he just walked away, all serious and I cried. I felt my heart sink and throb, was I not good enough. Why?