Fast Falling // Killugon

Chapter Two: "I love you, but you'll never know"

Gon's POV

I stayed with Killua on the couch for a long time. He eventually got up to go to the store. He promised to be right back and when he came back we could cuddle again. He didn't seem to have any reaction to it so I'm guessing it's ok. Same thing when I kissed him cheek. I'll continue it until he says something about it. I went up into his room and sat on his bed. I missed him but it had only been a few minutes. I went to his closet and dug through the mess, and snatched up a hoodie of his to put on. I've always taken at least one of his hoodies everytime he leaves, ever since we moved in. He blushes when he catches me wearing one. Its adorable. I figured I would put all of his hoodies up on a hanger, so I pick up one by one and hang them up. I then picked up one, and something fell from the pocket. A small book. I picked it up and opened the latch holding the book closed. I flipped through some pages and then realized. This is Killua's journal. I closed it quickly and set it down. I hung up the rest of the hoodies, but it felt like his journal watched me. He writes everything down in the book. What if he's having the same feelings as me? Wouldn't he write them down? I wanted to find out, but I knew reading it wouldn't be a good idea. I told myself no and walked out of his room but it ate at me. What if he really is having the same feelings as me? It continued to float around my mind. No matter how hard I tried to forget about it, it wouldn't go away. I cleaned, I painted, I watched a movie, I read a book, but everytime I tried I could only think about his journal. I read the same sentence 7 times because I couldn't focus on the book. I decided to just skim it quickly. I ran upstairs and pick up the journal, unlatching it. I opened the book and skimmed through the pages. Most of it was about his family, and how much he hated them. I was stupid to think it was about me. I sat on Killua's bed and set the journal next to me. I just stared at the wall. The pages began to flip because of the way the pages were creased. I read my name out of the corner of my eye. I picked up the book in shock. I couldn't believe what I was reading. I kept reading the same words over.
It read, "Chapter Two: My feelings for Gon" feelings? I turned the page, and he had written an entry. I looked through it and there was no other chapters after that. He filled the book up with entry's about me. I flipped back to the first one, and dashed to my room, closing the door. I sat down on my bed and began to read.

Entry One-
After leaving home, I'm going to take the hunter exam. I found the exam cite with ease. I figured this was going to be boring, but I met someone. Gon. He's 12 too. I'm friends with him now. Right now, We are coming up on the last stage of the exam, and I hope I stay with him after it. I feel connected to him. He's my first and only friend. I finally found what I was looking for. Someone who accepts me. He's so energetic and fun. I let him use my skate board in the waiting room of the third stage. He let me use his fishing rod. I love being with him. I won't ever fight him. He is the one person I have been longing for. I need him. He's asleep right now, I should be too.

Entry Two-
I lost the hunter exam. Illumi showed up. He just had to ruin this for me. He just had to be in the way. He used arua down on me. It changed how I felt. Because of him I lost that round. I lost gon. Gon won his first round. Hanzo beat him up before forfeiting. I could bare watching it, but I pained through it. Kurtapika i think was his name? and Oreo? I don't know. They followed gon around. They nearly got disqualified watching gon get tourtured. I want him back. I need him back.

Entry Three-
Gon's here! he actually came to my home to get me! they better let him in. I'm sure he'll get past the testing gate. He'll make it. He has too I have to see him. I have to be with him. I can't believe he actually came for me. My mother is infuriated. She says I don't have friends. But gon is my friend. I know he is.

Entry Four-
I've been think about how I see gon. I think I like him. Like, as more then a friend. we are both boys so he may think I'm insane. But i think i've fallen in love with him. I can't help but always think about him. I constantly want him in my arms and with me. It's like without him I'm nothing. I mean something to him, or at least I think I do. But as long as thats a fact, I have a purpose. I'm here for gon

My head began to hurt. "Killua loves me?" I'm shocked. I'm so confused. All his entry's are from when we first met, and it made me tear up a bit. I skipped through a few pages and stopped on entry 11.

Entry Eleven-
I'm thinking about confessing to Gon. I'll just tell him how I feel. Is that a good idea? What if I loose him? He probably will leave me for good. I wish he knew but I didn't have to tell him. I didn't have to be the one to end our friendship. If he could just figure it out. Gon I need you to use the brain of yours and figure it out. suspect something. He'll never know. He won't suspect it and even if i make it obvious he won't figure it out unless told directly. I love you, but you'll never know.

This made my heart skip a beat. That phrase. "I love you, but you'll never know" It played over and over in my head. Nonstop. I closed the journal and latched it, putting it in the same hoodie pocket it fell out of and pretending like I didn't notice it. Killua will know I organized his stuff, and thats normal for me to do when he leaves. "I love you, but you'll never know" it kept repeating in my mind. "I love you, but you'll never know" I couldn't hear my own thoughts. The only other thing I could think of was "I love you too" was it right for me to love him? We're both boys, so is that ok? I have so much going on right now. I don't know what to do. "Gon I'm back! The store was closed and I got stuck in traffic" Killua was back. Act normal. "Killuuuaaaaa!" I dashed down the stairs and jumped on top of him, knocking him over. I was on top of him now, and he just looked up at me and I looked down at him. "I love you, but you'll never know" Damn it! every time I looked into his begging eyes thats all I heard. I tried not to look him in the eye but i couldn't help but be drawn to it. It was like he wanted something but couldn't get it. He blushed, and I giggled. "Whats so funny?" He said embarrassed. He was cute when he got like this. "Youurrr bluusshhiinngggg" I said with a smile, teasing him. "You are too, Baka!!" the red across his cheeks got darker ever second. I didn't care if I was blushing. I pecked him on the cheek again and he seemed to be caught off guard, stil redder then a strawberry. He mumbled something under his breath but i couldn't tell what he said. I sat up, allowing him up and just looked at him. I ran my fingers through the snow white hair he had. The soft cotton ball perfectly placed on his head that went in all sorts of directions. He blushed some more and leaned closer to me. His hair was so soft. He seemed to enjoy it, and I giggled. "Baka!!" He said pouting. He turned away from me. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, resting my head on his shoulder. He saw me out of the corner of his eye. He smiled at me. "Your so cute-" He said, quickly covering his mouth and glowing red out of embarrassment. I blushed, but just stayed where I was. "I love you, but you'll never know." It was back again. "Well, I'm gonna go shower." I told him, getting up. He seemed disappointed that I got up. "Oh ok. I'll just watch TV down here." He repied. I got up and went to my room, turning on the water. The way it gushed out of the faucet made me shudder. The same way the thoughts in my head flooded my mind.

[ahhhhh yes chapter tooo things are getting juicy, doja cat would be proud. (get it? cuz she has a song called juicy- ill stop) sooooooo There will be at least 12 chapters. If not more. yep. ok. next chapter less go. word count 1622]