Sweet and Sour

seventeen

Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts

..

I'm standing in my hotel room, looking at the balcony with blurry eyes

My anti depressants are on the desk next to me

The desk with a pen and paper, neatly placed

The messy bed in the middle of the room

The opened glass balcony door

I walk over to the desk with the pen and paper and start writing

"Life is so short and pointless, almost like a dull pencil

It's to short to write with and the led is broken, it's to small to sharpen

I feel so useless and small

I feel like no one needs anything I have to offer, I have nothing to offer.

The pills and balcony next to me have so  much fate on what will happen next.

who will discover me when it's to late?

I just wish it wasn't to late before I go

I wish someone would listen to the words i had to say before I go.

I love you

Goodbye,

-Greyson Jasmine Korby"

I sign

I grab a cigarette and light it

My shaky hands bringing it up and down from my mouth

Inhaling the smoke and exhaling

My heart pounds more and more each time I see the cigarette get smaller.

The cigarette finally finished.

I put out the extra flame and go to the edge of the balcony

I close my eyes before feeling my stomach drop as I do

And before I can hit the ground

I wake up.

I gasp and sit up

feel cold sweat all over me

My eyes are wide and I'm breathing heavily

My heart is pounding and I look around

I see the balcony door closed and no pills on the table

It was all just a dream

I get up and go to the bathroom

I look and the mirror and I look over sweaty

I go to the tub and start a cold bath

The bath fills and I undress and get in

The sweat turns into goosebumps and my heart pounds a little less and I close my eyes

I stay in the bath for a little bit longer before getting out and drying myself

I get changed into clean clothes and get back into bed.