Monster You Made Me

I will not bow, I will not break

I will shut the world away

I will not fall, I will not fade

I will take your breath away

And I'll survive, paranoid

I have lost the will to change

And I am not proud, cold blooded, fake

I will shut the world away

The words float around in my head, and my body continues to break. Hit after hit, kick after kick, the pain just becomes numb. Shakily reaching out and putting my arms in front of my face, I whimper at my attacker, and he pauses, grunts, and rolls me over, sitting on top of bruise filled chest. He pulls out a knife and drags it down my left arm, not to deep but deep enough to scar after it heals. Standing up, he spits on me and kicks me one last time before leaving me to my solitude of my room. The blood flows from my arm and the numerous cuts on my body and face, and I just watch the blood flow, refusing to cry.

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I guess I should explain. My name is Alex Anarchy, although most people just call me Alex. I’m 17, and have been raped, beaten and battered since I was 5. What happened was that, when I was 3, my parents got divorced, and I lived with my mother. She shortly after got remarried, and my step-dad, John, was the sweetest. He really truly loved my mom. Then my dad came back, she left with him, leaving me with John. They died the day they left, in a car crash. John became my legal guardian, and he started drinking, a lot. We moved around while I was younger, because after he started abusing me at 5, people would notice. He raped me for the first time when I was 13. My life’s been even more chaotic since I started dating. Well, since John forced me to get a boyfriend, of his choosing. So here I am, 17, been dating the same man for 3 years. The same man is 6 years older than me, beats me, rapes me and makes sure I don’t tell anybody while he’s at work. John works to pay the bills, and I’m forced to due the unthinkable. John and my boyfriend, Scott, set up nights and amounts, and I’m forced to have sex with guys for money, if not, I'll get beat worse. I’ve turned into a closed off, emotionless human being. Emotion is unknown to me, has been since I was raped the first time. I’ve put up a barrier, to block it all out. I cut to help get rid of the pain constantly, and Scott has got me hooked on drugs. We just moved to a new town, to many curious people in the last. So here it is, my life for you;

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The darkness of the night settles in my room as I sit on my window ledge, staring out at the forest, praying for an escape. The front door opens and I know he’s home. His heavy boots clank on the stairs as I hold my breath, his shadow casting under the door, and his breathing outside sending shivers down my spine.

“Open the door, Alex.” Shakily, I put my cold feet touch the ground and I make my way to the door, revealing an angry Scott.

“Hi, Scott.” He pushes the door opening, making me fall on my back. Looking up at him, his eyes rack my body and the instinct to crawl away controls me. His eyes darken as he notices the movement, grabbing my hair; he yanks my body forward, dragging me down the hallway, down the stairs, and onto the floor in front of John. John raises his eyebrow before letting a grin slip onto his face. Not even a few seconds later, his fist comes barrelling towards my face with so much force, that it rocks my head to the side. Scott starts kicking my ribs and back as John continues his brutality to my face and chest. John grabs my hair and throws me onto the couch, crossing his arms over his chest.