Family is Complicated

Chapter 4

Carina had an early shift today, but she had wanted to talk to Maya, she needed to explain. She needed to apologise, she needed to tell her she loved her. Carina had always known dangerous Maya's job was, but that didn't mean she didn't fear the worst every time Maya went to work. Sometimes if Maya had been too tired to shower at the station, she'd come home to shower instead. The stench of the smoke of the fires she had put out during that shift made Carina sick. She couldn't tell Maya, Maya loved it, she loved fighting fires, she loved saving people, she loved being a firefighter. The ash burns on Maya's skin as she came home everyday told stories of the people she protected, the fires she put out, the homes she saved but what if one day it was Carina's turn to save Maya and she would fail?

As Maya's body shifted ever so slightly, Carina sighed slowly getting up from their bed trying not to wake Maya. She would just have to leave a note for Maya instead, once Carina had changed her clothes and gotten ready to leave for Grey Sloan, she placed a kiss on her girlfriend's forehead, whispered into her ear "I love you" and then left to work another day, delivering more babies.

As she was driving to work, she had kept going back to what Maya said last night, maybe she was right, maybe she should just be the first person to talk to Andrea.

During the drive to Grey Sloan, she built up the courage to talk to him, she didn't understand why she was afraid. Maybe it was her pride getting in the way and not wanting to break the silence first, or maybe she was afraid about what the confrontation may reveal.

As she walked into the doors of the hospital, as she had done numerous times, it had felt different, her heart was racing, her breathing becoming shallow, her hands tremored, she had never been the anxious before, not when she was waiting to see if she had been accepted into her dream college or if she was matched to her dream hospital. She wasn't surprised, Andrea mattered more to her than anything in this world and the thought of losing him had started to feel more and more like reality.

Her heels clicked on the floor, creating a rhythm that followed her. She made her way to the OR board, searching the board she found the name she had been looking for; A. Deluca. She would have to wait for him to complete his surgery before she could talk, but at least she knew where he was, and this gave her more time to think of what she would say to him.

Today had been a slow day, which Carina was fortunate for since she finally found the time to catch up on her paperwork that she had been delaying for a few days now. She walked to her office and started on her paperwork, the best thing about her office was that she could see OR 3, which her brother was very conveniently operating in.

Carina was productively writing her charts as she heard his voice, he was laughing with Dr Grey and Dr Hayes, Carina assumed their surgery had been successful, considering Andrea was in a good mood. Carina knew she had to do. She began making her way to him, before she could realise, he had seen her, and it was too late to turn back.

Carina walked close to her brother and whispered, asking him to follow her to her office. Andrea seemed to hesitate at first, however although reluctantly he agreed.

A: What do you want Carina?

C: Are you serious Andrea? You haven't talked to me for months; you see me in the corridors, and you don't even say hi anymore!

A: Ok...hi?

C: Look I'm sorry alright, is that what you want to hear?

A: No, I don't want to hear that you're sorry...we were never close Carina, and I was fine with that

C: So, what? You want us to act like we don't know each other?

A: What you said was hurtful, it hurt, and I can't forgive you for that, so I'm sorry but I don't know what you expect from me

C: Right because I'm had so much fun, you think what you said to me wasn't hurtful? You think watching you go through the same thing papa went through wasn't triggering? But I'm trying to fix it, because you are my brother and I love you and I care about you more than anyone in this world and ... because two parts one whole.

A: *chuckles* I remember when mama used to call us that all the time

C: yeah, hm I miss that

A: when she use to call us that?

C: yeah, but I mean the whole thing you know? When you and mama still lived in Italy, and- and we were close, and you didn't hate me.

A: Carina...I don't hate you

C: Right...I'm being paged, thanks for coming

A: Car-

C: Ciao

Carina felt guilty for walking away the way she did, but she couldn't be there, she needed air. She was sure Andrea would go back to working but instead he followed her onto the helipad. Tears threatened to fall from Carina's eyes, but she wouldn't allow it, she wouldn't cry not about this. Carina had planned a whole speech, but the moment she tried, the sound out of her mouth was non-existent.

A: Carina...I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I hurt you, because you tried, you did your best even if giving your best hurt you did it. I guess I never stopped to think how what happened in the past year affected you, I was so mad at you I didn't even try to consider things from your perspective. But from here on out, talk to me...per favore?

C: *crying chuckling* I'm sorry too, talk to you huh? Well, you've missed a ton

A: oh yea? Tell me about it over dinner at mine after shift?

C: bene

A: *walking away* oh and uh...grazie sorella

C: prego, ti amo Andrea

A: ti amo anch'io Carina 

Notes

First of all, thank you for reading
Sorry for not updating; I wanted to update but then Andrew Deluca died and because this fanfiction is so heavily based on Carina and Andrew's relationship, I lost interest in writing this for a while but I'm back and I'll try(don't take my word) to update every week but maybe a month.
Alright have a nice day xx
~ Ashita