Family is Complicated

Chapter 5

Quietness amplified her office, quietness of all but the lone clock that stared straight at her, her fear and anxiety rising as the clock ticked by. Every minute that passed, was every minute closer to dinner with him. They hadn't been able to be in the same room as each other for months, let alone hold a proper conversation, so it made sense to be scared but to her, it didn't make sense. Carina, the girl who wasn't afraid of her father even in his manic episodes where his rage had caused him to hurt her. She wasn't afraid then; she took it the way she always had but today having dinner with her brother scared her and for the life of her she couldn't understand why.

As she sat there reminiscing slightly about her past she remembered the call she had missed, she didn't want to call her father, she didn't want to hear what he had to say to her, tell her of his thoughts about her career, her choices in love as he called them. She chuckled to herself, remembering her father walking in on her at fifteen, kissing that girl, Nicola; her light reflected her green eyes, her hair so long and so beautiful, her smile, her freeness that Carina's fifteen-year-old self longed for. Nicola was Carina's first love, but also the first person to completely tear her relationship with her father. Carina knew her and her father's relationship wasn't perfect even prior to that day, his mood swings, his rage, his manipulation and all the lying but the thin string that kept their relationship together was torn that day. The day he walked in on his daughter kissing a girl, the day he believed his daughter was no longer "a daughter of mine" as he said. The day he yelled at her telling her she would go to hell for the sin she committed but Carina, even with the love she had for her father was stubborn in her ways and her beliefs. She yelled back that day, for the first time she truly believed she rebelled against her father. The late-night parties or the underaged drinking, which was her attempt at being a normal high school girl, didn't mean anything but this, something she knew she couldn't control. Something deep down she knew wasn't a choice, it wasn't a sin, and that she would never change her beliefs or her ways on that.

She had 30 minutes left of her shift, today had been a quiet day, fortunate for her since she wouldn't have been able to focus on her patients at the moment, her family life was quite enough to keep her busy. As she swallowed her pride and called her father, she internally prayed he wouldn't pick up, she really didn't want to talk to him.

Luck didn't seem to be on her side. After only a few rings the other line picked up:

(once again I used google translate so I'm sorry if they're wrong) (also V: Vincenzo- Carina's father and C: Carina)

V: ciao

C: ciao papa, hai ciamato (hi papa, you called)

V: si, volevo solo verdere come stai (yes, just wanted to see how you are doing)

C: bene, sto bene, come stai? (well, I'm doing good, how are you?)

V: si, anche, buono (yes, also good)

C: ...cosi...

V: come sta Andrea? (how is Andrea?)

C: bene, vado a cena con lui dopo il turno in realta (good, I'm having dinner with him after shift actually)

V: e buono (that is good)

C: ...ok papa, what do you want?

V: do you plan on staying in Seattle?

C: cosa?

V: you know now that Andrea is cured from whatever illness you say me and him have, are you coming back to Italy?

C: papa, I have a life in Seattle now, I'm not coming back

V: you aren't coming back to your home? You want to ruin your brother's life too staying there?

C: I'm with someone and I love them

V: who could possibly love you bambini?

C: Va'a farti fottere papa (go screw yourself papa)

She hadn't truly believed herself, she felt like her fifteen-year-old self again, the feeling of rebellion filled her body. In some sense, it felt good, powerful almost but on the other hand, although she didn't want to admit it she loved her father, how could she not? Her whole childhood was practically just her father and her, maybe he wasn't the best dad in the world, but he was the only family that stayed, didn't flee to another country, and forget their daughter or sister. She couldn't really blame Andrea, and she didn't but she always imagined her life if things had turned out differently. What if it had been her going to the States with their mum, and Andrea that stayed in Italy? Then again, her alternate realities weren't all that realistic, if she had been the one to leave, her baby brother, the one person she truly loved in this world and never once questioned it was Andrea. She wouldn't have done that to him in any universe and maybe not even in her alternate realities. No, the realities in which she did, they hadn't felt like dreams. They felt like nightmares, she'd wake up, trying to catch her breath, sweating, shaking, angry at herself forever wanting her brother to be alone with their dad.

Finally, her shift had been over, it had felt like a dream, no patients in the last thirty minutes of shift but the current hadn't begun yet, it would soon enough. She quickly texted Maya, as she said goodbye to Bailey and the other doctors she encountered along the way, walking out of the doors of Grey Sloan. She walked over to her Porsche, attempting to steady her breathing she got into her car and began to make her way to her brother's house. The house she hadn't been to in so long, the house she had been afraid to step foot in since the invitation had been offered. 

Notes

- I am so sorry for not updating in like 2 months, I genuinely forgot this existed
- I am writing this at midnight so forgive me for the mistakes, I didn't edit it
- If the Italian is wrong I am sorry it is Google Translate
- Please give me suggestions on where you would like to see this go, I'm always interested
- Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed

~ Ashita