Writers Collection 1

4

(19th June, 2021)

Have you ever been to a place where you feel like you've taken a step back in time? That childhood bliss and the feeling of safety when you see a particular building from your past. That sudden rush of emotions as you look back onto the past. Slowly walking thru the place, as you feel the walls that you used to see every day. Taking a deep breath as you explore a secret passage you and your friends used to explore when you were younger. The adrenaline still the same as when you were younger. Back when you fear the most trivial thing, such as a dark room or a mere child's game about ghost...

Nostalgia...That's the word I've been looking for. The feeling of reminiscences as you walk thru the place that had a hand in shaping your childhood. The sounds of laughter that used to fill these halls as we chase each other while playing tag. It's like music to one's ear.

Today, I visited my old elementary school. Usually, I don't time for it, but today I was given a chance. A chance to say goodbye. As I step into a building, a feeling of nostalgia greeted me like an old friend. As I explore the main auditorium of building, it felt just like back when I was still attending the school. But...something feels off.

It was, as if, it has change and yet still retain it old charm. The feeling of change in the building was strange...hypnotic even... As I walked towards the left wing of the building, I saw that nothing changed yet everything changed. While walking thru the busy graduates of the school, I noticed an old acquaintance of mine. I graduated a year before her, leaving the place sooner as I move on to the next chapter of my life.

While exploring our old elementary school, we talked about how are our lives been going. We talked about our current interest while on occasion talk about the changes that befell the school. We went thru an old passageway that leads to the canteen. What used to be a passageway that we used to go thru every day, is now an over-grown garden. As we walked thru the plants and shrubs, we talked about how the school looked like over the years. The slight changes that would come every year. Yet, those slight changes were never really noticeable. But now, those slight changes have turned into major changes. My mind couldn't comprehend on how can a school change so drastically in the matter of just three years. Most of my old teachers have left the school, with only three still teaching there. The old slide that I would hangout in during lunch was torn down the same year as my acquaintance's graduation. All that's left in its place was the trees that used to provide shade.

The school wasn't the same as I remember. It has changed. The nostalgia was a warm yet grim reminder of reality; That nothing stays the same. That, no matter how hard you try to prevent it, change is inevitable. That change is out of your control. No matter how hard you deny it, it won't change a thing.

Now, there are two reasons why I came and visited my old elementary school. The first one was to accompany one of my cousins during her graduation photos. She could have gone without me, but I offered to come. The second reason was to say goodbye...for me to say goodbye...

I'm moving to another city by the end of the year, by myself. It's a boarding school, quite far from home. And I wanted to say goodbye...The details of my travels are still unclear, for now. The pandemic has halted most travel, causing me to post-pone my plans. And to be frank, I'm a bit scared. Like, don't get me wrong, I'm excited and stuff. But it's just the fact that things change, and sometime, the change is so drastic that it's incomprehensible. What once used to be comforting, now is distorted into something that I don't recognize anymore. The fact that change and reality is able to distort something to a point where you can't recognize it anymore scares me. Its ability to make people forget about you and that they won't be able to recognize you anymore...as if you've been lost by history...makes me wonder about my own fate. 

I know, I know...some of the things that I'm saying are not making sense...But it just feels right for me to write about it. To document about it. I know that this all sounds very melancholic, but am I really lying? Now that I'm not a child anymore, I need to find my own pathway. But the future can be intimidating, with the possibility of getting lost in history.

But in the end, I guess that's the beauty in life; Things go on. People move on. And life changes. Almost like a melody. The changes in its notes. Each passage bringing in a new aspect to the melody that changes it.

Like a melody that moves on...

(Inside the mind: Blessing and Curse)