Hitman |n.h|

59

I look at myself in the mirror.

And I do not like what I see.

How could I?

After what I have become?

A freak.

A coward.

You're nothing,Amber.Nothing.

The voice in my head can't quiet down,and I feel like I have completely lost it.

He's going to leave again.

He's not even real.

He's dead.

You saw it happen.

You're going insane,insane,insane.

I bang my hands on the sink and look up in the mirror again,seeing peircing green eyes staring back at me instead.

I scream and clench my fists,squeezing my eyes shut.

I slowly open them, and sigh,when no one

is there but me.

I groan and take more pills,drinking water after.

I have heavy bags under my eyes and my skin is pale,red rings forming around my eyes.

I have not been able to sleep at all these past two days.I can't believe I let myself go like that in front of Niall.I must've looked like a psychopath.

Like the ones I try to help.

I wipe the tears that make their way down my face and turn the light off,walking into the bedroom.I sleep alone tonight,Collin has made it clear on how much he wants to spend with his dad,including sleep time apparently.

Thats okay,though.

No one can see what is really eating me inside anyway.

**

I smile at Liam as he throws the football to Collin in the backyard.

Only 2 more days until I have to make it back home with Collin,crushing my son's dream of being with his pa forever.

I stop smilimg when I realize that,and go to turn in the house when I smack right into a body.

I quickly grab their shirt and groan,and I peek upwards to see its the wonderful father of Collin.

"Whats this?" He asks lowly,motioning to under my eyes.

"Nothing,just a little tired," I say,trying to laugh him off.

He wasn't too convinced.

"And this? Amber," he says,more concerned,turning my arms in his hands.

I quickly snatch them away and walk off,him following behind me.

"What the hell was that?" He exclaims as we get into my room upstairs.

"Niall,stop.This was a long time ago," I say in relation to my cuts.

He shakes his head,running his hands through his hair.

"I cant believe you-you actually tried? What about Collin,Amber? Goddamit that was so selfish!" He shouts and I shake from anger.

"First off,this was before my son was born-"

"-our son." He cuts in and I talk over him.

"-and ever since then I haven't picked up a blade."