Rekindled

These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends

My lips tingled. They felt warm and swollen from the all too brief entanglement they had with Jimmy's. All the extra blood or hormones my body could spare were flooding to my lips and my brain simultaneously. However, they also felt cold and sleepy, longing for the sparks that had awaken them only a moment before, also longing for the warmth that accompanied them, not unlike the embers emitted from a fire used for comfort from the cold of the night. My lips felt numb and yet all at once, alive. My lips seemed imperfectly plain in the moment and longed to feel as if they belonged once more. If only for a moment, they belonged not only to me, but to him as well. I knew that only seconds had passed in that first kiss and the several smaller ones that followed but it sent my brain into a frenzy and set off a chain reaction throughout my entire body that I wasnt completely sure could have been an appropriate response. At least for me. Such a difference between a last kiss and a first. My last kiss tasted of goodbye, sadness and false hope. It was cold and distant. His tastes of promises and potential. Endless possibilities of what is and what could come to be.

I stopped living in my thought and decided to live in the moment, opening my eyes to look at him, and my God, it was confusing and clarifying. All my emotions, all my feelings were fighting to make sense of it all, conflicting against each other. He kissed me, I can feel it. His lips on mine. His warm, sweet, inviting lips on mine. The feeling lingering now of the feeling I had then. He gave me a soft smile, welcoming to share my feelings if I want but accepting that I could be silent if I must. I feel what I imagine could be his thumb caressing my cheek but in all honesty all I feel is a buzz, like a white noise flowing from his fingertips through my body. He smiled a little wider and I know I tried to return the gesture but I wouldnt be surprised if I was frozen where I stood. We looked at each other like we were going to kiss again and I saw myself lean forward without even feeling it. I did it willingly and without thinking twice. Then, as quick as the moment came, I felt the floor move from under my feet. Was this it? Were we kissing again? I opened my eyes and saw his confused face as he was being pulled away from me, he was seemingly getting further away every second. I saw him fight them for a moment, calling out to me but I couldnt hear anything beyond my own heartbeat rapping in my ears.

I looked back and saw that I was also being carried away, the white and blue dress coming off in a hurry as they pulled me backstage. They set me on solid ground and slowly, but surely my sense came back to me. I could hear wardrobe hollering for the clothes I needed to be in next, what wig I needed. Lorne was talking to someone just beyond the wall I was behind, talking about the set and somewhere in the distance, I swore I heard Jimmy's husky timbre floating through the air. Jimmy. I shook my head and looked to my left at the woman dressing me, her name escaping me at the moment. "Did you see that?" I asked out loud. She looked up at me as she yanked me back into a tight pair of jeans. She raised her eyebrow as she held out a black button up. I slipped my head through and she made quick work of the buttons. "Jimmy kissed me." She nodded and motioned for me to turn around as I felt my hair being let out of the bun Margaret had put it in. "I saw. That was supposed to happen, was it not?" She turned me quickly, making me only slightly dizzier than the residual effect that the kiss had on me. I closed my eyes and swallowed, trying to find a second of clarity in this chaos. "I..." I took a breath and let it out quickly. "Yes." I shook my head again. "No." I felt a wet rag press against my forehead, likely removing wig glue but also providing a bit of relief to my flushed skin. "I dont know." I admitted just as I heard a soft chuckle in front of me. "Sounds about right."

Margaret walked towards me, a brush in her hand and a smile on her face. "You are not the first lady that Mr. Fallon has left flustered backstage, my dear." I felt heat fill my cheeks, a blush rising to the surface. Margaret motioned the other girls off of me as I stared down at the floor. "Leave her be, ladies. She looks great and she has at least five minutes until she has to be out there again. They're starting Update." As soon as she said that, I heard the stage director yell out that there was 30 seconds left until air. I felt a rush of air blow past me as Tina walked past, only pausing to smile at me. She gave me a tiny wink and walked out onto the stage. I felt a tug on my shirt and a slap as Margaret slapped costume girl away from me. I still couldnt get my thoughts to slow long enough to remember her name for the life of me. "Didn't I just say she looked great? She's glowing even." I looked up quickly and Margaret smiled at me with a little wink. "Go on. I've got it from here." The girl, Katie, I think her name was, walked off and finally the chaos had died down around us, leaving just Margaret and me backstage. "Breathe, girl. I dont think I've seen you take a deep breath this entire time." I nodded and took a deep breath in as Margaret did the same. "Now, let it out." I laughed as I slowly blew it out while she sat me down in the chair and began to put little ringlets in my hair.