Sour Candy | T. Drake ✔

[30] Not The Same

The vintage lantern spread its ethereal yellow light as Tim and Dora stepped into the living room. She was tired so she didn't object when he scooped her up in his arms halfway through the stairs.

"Balcony?" He asked, feeling a cold gust of air strike them as they passed by the grills.

"Too cold," she mumbled, snuggling closer to him.

"Movie on the couch? Or we could just talk," he offered.

She buried her head deeper, "no..."

"Then perhaps your room..."

"Sounds good," her lips pressed on his jawline lightly and a smile flickered on his face.

"You know what else sounds good..." He had let his voice trail off, looking down at her as she giggled softly.

"Anything with you sounds absolutely fantastic, bird boy."

He raised an eyebrow at her, smile widening, "really?"

She hummed in reply, turning her face to be met with his soft lips closing upon hers in a gentle kiss.

He carried her to the bed, placing soft kisses that trailed from her lips down to her collarbone, making her heartbeat race.

Her hands clutched tightly at his half-unbuttoned shirt as she arched her head back giving him more exposure. He had slid the strap off her shoulder, fingers deftly untying the knots on the side as the top came off shortly after.

Dora's left hand glided down his chest while the other was wrapped around his neck as he pushed her deeper into the soft white sheets. His hands had reached down to her waist, fingers fiddling with the button on her skirt.

"Stop," she breathed out, slightly exasperated as she realized the rather familiar stance they were in.

Tim halted immediately, blue eyes looking down at her in confusion, "what happened?"

"No," she shuddered, "not tonight... Not... Can't we just cuddle?"

"Of course," he let go of her and dropped down on the bed beside her, hand gently cupping her face, "as you wish."

An awkward silence lingered between them, the only sound that could be heard was of Dora's irregularly sharp breaths. She held his hand in her own because she knew he would pull apart if she didn't. She couldn't take the risk of letting him leave just yet without any proper explanation either.

"Stop being such a Westley," she spoke up in a feeble attempt to crack a joke, breathing returning to normal at last.

He didn't reply, eyes carefully taking in each flicker of expression on her features. She felt him tense up ever so slightly and turned to face him, her coffee-brown irises looking deep into blue.

"Tim, you do understand that it's going to take me some time to adjust," she mumbled in a low voice, eyes pleading with him to just listen to her and understand what she meant to say.

"I do," he nodded, "and you can take all the time you need, no issue."

"I don't want to make you feel bad about it," she whispered, leaning closer to place a kiss on his cheek, "I love you. I really do. But..."

"I understand," he sighed softly, "I'm sorry I got carried away. I should have... I should have considered that things are not the same anymore."

"It's not your fault," she insisted, tilting his face towards her when he tried to look away, "I got carried away too. I... It's not that I don't want to... I'm trying to... I..."

Her cheeks had shaded crimson as she struggled to find the right words. He waited, eyes locking with hers intently.

"I really really want to go back to how we used to be, trust me, I really do," she resumed, "but... I'm scared. I... I don't want to put us through any other trauma again. There's only so much we can take, y'know, and I don't want to push us to the breaking point."

His hand tentatively rested on her bare stomach, feeling her tense up again, "you're scared that we would repeat the same mistake, aren't you?"

She kept silent but her eyes showed the conflict raging within. Tim squeezed her hand gently, wanting her to give a reaction, to say something or just to give him a look so that he would be able to figure out what she thought. Because to him, the most terrifying thing was not knowing how she truly felt.

"Was it really a mistake?" Her voice was hushed, a mixture of uncertainty and fear clouding her features.

His eyes softened as he spoke, "Dora, we've talked about this before as well..."

"I know."

Silence engulfed them again and he felt as if he shouldn't have said anything whatsoever. He shouldn't even have agreed to stay the night either but then how could he ever refuse when she asked him for something?

Perhaps he had just misread the invitation and thought things were finally back on track.

While the truth was that they were not the same as they used to be prior to Dora getting accidentally pregnant and almost risking her life due to it.

Ever since then, Dora had somehow avoided having any deeper physical contact with him. They kissed, cuddled, and showed affection for each other but a slight barrier had come up between them.

That night when she had asked him to stay and hadn't straight up refused when he had suggested going to her room instead of cuddling on the living room couch, he thought perhaps she was overcoming that barrier.

But right then, he felt it painstakingly real in between them, a hard invisible wall that forbade him from getting too close.

And it hurt.

Though he knew he wasn't the only one hurting.

"Just cuddle then," he spoke, voice slightly unsteady, "come here."

She gratefully enveloped herself in his welcoming embrace, her head resting on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

Tim's chin rested on top of her head, a thoughtful look sweeping over his features.

They were not the same.

He didn't know how long it would take for them to break down all those unwanted barriers and finally go back to being how they used to be with each other.

And worse still, he had no idea whether it would even be possible for them after all they had been through or not. The thought churned his heart but he kept himself steady, knowing that she was close enough to notice if his heartbeat went astray from the usual rhythm.

"I love you, Timmy," she whispered in his ear, placing a sweet kiss on his cheek.

He looked down at her, keeping the haunting thoughts forcefully away as he replied, "I love you too, Dora."

The silence was no longer heavy but he couldn't put his mind to rest as the layers of thoughts began to overpower him instead of sleep. He didn't know how long passed like that, Dora's gentle breaths turned even softer as she fell asleep eventually but he lay there awake, fingers gently weaving through her soft tresses.

He didn't want his pessimistic side to get the better of him but in the silence of the night and the darkness of her room, he found himself unable to resist those thoughts.

And while Dora had drifted off to sleep, he counted each sleepless hour until it was finally dawn. Very carefully, he rolled her over to the side, placing a soft kiss on her cheek as he covered her with the blanket.

Saying a soft farewell to her, he buttoned up his shirt and took his jacket, leaving the room as silently as he could.

***