★ | I, Rhys Kakyoin | Jotakak

9 ☆ Trés charmant

"Surprise!" Mom gushes, holding up a glass jar the size of her hand. Inside the jar, with some water, is a lone rose. Each petal hugs around the rosebud, protective of its sweet centre. I take it in my hand and I look at it closer, admire it.

"It's so pretty," I breathe. "Where did you find it?"

"I know a good florist down the street. It's nothing to worry about. What did you get?" she questions me. Comparing my gift to hers, perhaps mine isn't as great as I thought it was. Come to think of it, it's a toy meant for little children. How in the world can Jotaro possibly like that... like me?! He's going to believe I think of him as a little kid! He isn't going to be happy with me if I give this to him... and Mr Joestar, he'll laugh at me... I can feel it. Everyone's going to laugh and Jotaro would just be disappointed... that's the worst thing that can happen.

"That's really cute, Nori. He loves dolphins, huh?" she remarks, but I don't reply for a moment. I lift up the dolphin so it's submerged in the sunlight, taking on a bright honeyed hue. Its embroidered smile remains. I want to accept that it isn't a good gift compared to a rose. It isn't a good gift compared to a rose... I try repeating those words in my mind over and over again, forcing myself to accept... but looking in that smile, the embroidered blush on the dolphin's cheek... I can't let it go.

I simply hug it, my hands sort of clutching it, as my chin rests on top of it. "He does. Is this a good gift for him?" Then suddenly I think of what the others are going to give him tomorrow. I don't even know if my gift would be good enough, leaving me just to hope that he'd like it, and reluctantly I imagine the worst case scenario where he hates my gift. What would I do then? I might as well just head under a rock and friggin' die because I just disappointed my boyfriend and practically my first true friend in a dreadfully long time. And Mom can say what she want about it being good manners to appreciate a gift, but I would know if they don't like it, especially from the gift opening, when they stare at it in disbelief before lying that it was the best thing I could possibly give. And then I would just have this lump in my throat because I know deep inside that they actually hate it. I'm not sure myself why I'd try to give Jotaro something. He'd hate this dolphin. It's so childish.

Did I say boyfriend?

I want to throw it on the snowy ground, let it sit there besides the icy snow, its underside being decorated with its little flakes, and another part of me wants to hug it forever because it really isn't its fault. I don't exactly feel angry... just dejected and upset. Dejection is a tough emotion because it's a recipe of hope and hopelessness, but I think mixed with that drop of upset there isn't exactly a "hope" in there. I suppose I feel like crying, but there are no tears, just my lip trembling and a tightened throat.

"Nori? Are you okay?" she asks in concern, resting a hand on my shoulder as we head away from the busy avenue and approach a quieter street.

I simply give a shrug, heaving my shoulders before sloppily letting them fall back down. Usually, melancholy is a cloak one can't simply let fall to the floor, and though they hold it so tight they can't find the warmth they need, yet it clings. It acts as an anchor to their feet, the reason they can't find the surface or the sunshine, that feeling of soft joy that lives in memories that can't rise within. That's sort of how it feels now, I suppose, but I can't just show up without a gift to Jotaro's. And even worse, I can't just not show up. It's unavoidable.

"I told you, Nori. Your gift would mean a lot because it came from you, because you are willing to give something that you love and hope he'd love it too."

"It's childish," I say. "The dolphin. Maybe it would've been suitable if Jotaro was eleven or something."

"It's cute and sweet!" she protests.