I furiously wipe away the tears with the back of my hand, blinking hard to stop more tears from coming.
I don't deserve sympathy nor do I want it. I know what I did. I've killed many and I've destroyed lives. None of them I regret. It's either me or them and I chose myself. I chose to live.
But my first kill, my Freyja wasn't about choosing my life over hers and it's the only one that haunts me.
"Freyja was my nanny since...I was a baby. Maybe right after I was born. I spent every day with her. But I woke up one morning and Freyja was just... gone. I waited and waited but she never came. I went looking for her but she wasn't in her room and none of the staff knew where she went...or if they knew, they wouldn't tell me. She wasn't there the next day or the day after that...and I got very upset, I threw tantrums every day.
"Anyway, a week later was my birthday. Freyja had promised months before that we'd do something special on my birthday but of course, that didn't happen...because she wasn't there.
"Later that evening, Astaroth summoned me to one of his underground rooms where he entertained...guests. He said he had a special gift for the birthday girl."
I remember Astaroth stroking my hair and smile that charming smile that often left women panting after him. But it filled me with dread because I knew better. "Happy Birthday, my Danica," he said as one of his goons placed my gift with care on a desk in front of me.
"Instead of a dollhouse or a puppy, I got a shiny steel briefcase," I say. Astaroth had sat back and tented his fingers with an indulgent smile playing on his lips while watching me open the case. "Inside the briefcase were handguns and knives of different shapes and sizes, all shiny with pretty carved handles." So very pretty.
Sacha's Jaw clenches and his eyebrow creases into a scowl. "Who gave a seven-year-old a case full of weapons for her birthday?"
I shrug. It had amused Astaroth. "The handles were glittery pink and purple and custom made just for me and the guns were all loaded."
That piece of information doesn't amuse Sacha. His scowl deepens and his fingers are digging into the armrest of the sofa so hard that his knuckles are turning white. It's as if he's trying to stop himself from lashing out or punching something.
"After Astaroth was gone, one of his goons came in through one of the antechambers carrying my nanny and dropped her on the floor at my feet and left. Like she meant nothing. Like she was trash.
"She was naked and her body was covered in cuts and bruises. But that wasn't the worse part," I tell him. My voice sounds monotonous, almost robotic as I recall the scene in my head like a playback of a video. On her upper arm was a vicious bite mark. A chunk of flesh was gone and the skin around the bite and her whole left arm was charred as though burnt. Thick angry dark veins were protruding out of her skin from the shoulder to her chest, her neck, and the lower part of her face.
"She'd been bitten by a Yeth," I announce and I hear his harsh intake of breath. His hold on the armrest tightened and I feel the furious energy swirling around him.
A Yeth is a hell hound and we both know what that means. A bite from a Yeth is worse than a death sentence to a mortal. There's no cure for it and she was dying a slow torturous mortal death. The venom was spreading and she was in indescribable pain. She'd be screaming in agony if she could but half her body- one of her lungs, her throat, and one side of her mouth had stopped functioning normally by then. Another part of her body was burning from the toxin. It would take another week for the venom to completely take over her body and she'd become a screaming murderous creature of hell.
But my Freyja was good, she didn't deserve to suffer a fate like that. "So I picked a handgun from the case, my birthday gift, and aimed it at her."
"Mina älsklingar..." She blinked and a tear rolled down the side of her eye. She stared at me with a glassy eye and her good hand came up to shakily grip my hands and press the barrel of the gun harder into her forehead. I can still recall the feverish touch of her fingers around mine.
I brace myself and squeeze the trigger. Then half of her face was gone. Blood, brain matter, bits of bones and flesh were everywhere even when her body was still twitching. My eyes were dry but inside, I was broken beyond repair.
*****
"You're okay, sweetheart. You're okay. I've got you." Sacha is holding me, rocking me back and forth. I'm in his lap and his arms are like steel bands around me. For a moment, I was lost in the memory- the strong smell of blood and death, the ringing in my ears, the feeling of numbness...everything. And now I am so cold that I'm shaking.
His big warm hands come up to rub my arms in an effort to warm me up.
"What are you still doing with me?" I ask him weakly.
I was expecting Sacha to be disgusted by me and wanted nothing to do with me anymore. But his hazel eyes are warm but also sad as he stares back at me.
"Nobody deserves a childhood like that, princess," he murmurs. "It wasn't your fault."
"No, you don't get it," I tell him. My hand comes up to push his chest, trying to get up but he's holding on to me tightly, refusing to let me go. "Freyja loved me but I killed her. In cold blood. No one, not even the only person I had loved was safe from me."
"She was suffering and she was turning into something that she didn't want," reasons Sacha. "No seven-year-old should be making the choice you had to make and carry it through...it was a sacrifice and you did it out of love."
"No." I shake my head, I've been telling that to myself for years but it feels like a lie. "I shouldn't have done it. And that was just a start, the beginning of other bad things. Really bad things." Unmentionable things. "You should let me go. Let me leave now."
"Don't you get it? I don't care!" he bellows. His hands on my shoulders are digging into my flesh. Shaking me. "Even if you told me that you had killed her for fun, I'd still keep you. You're mine and I'm not letting you go," he says. "Hell, if you're a vicious animal, I'd tie you to my bed, file your nails and teeth, and hide away all the knives so that you couldn't stab me while I was asleep."
We stare at each other like we're adversaries while I'm still sitting on his lap. His gaze is full of heat, passion, anger, and possessiveness. This is different than the cold, haughty, and debonair man of the world that I know.
*************************************************
Hello, my dearies!
I'm sorry for the late update. Anyway, my next update is going to be on Friday evening (est). If you want to read four chapters ahead, go to Inkitt:
https://Inkitt.app.link/RA_NicoleRidd3y
Happy Canada Day to all my fellow Canadians! Have a wonderful week and stay safe everyone!
Much love,
Nicole♥
YOU ARE READING
A Legacy of the Damned: Daughter of Astaroth
RomanceWe are natural-born enemies for his kind hunt and destroy my kind. But when I first saw him, I was enamored. I was stupid. I was full of foolish romantic ideas. I thought he was my prince charming, my white knight in shiny armor. Turns out, he's my...