Mint [H.S.]

14

I'm Kicking Myself - As Tall As Lions

Heard your broken voice on the telephone, made my heavy heart sink like a stone. And after all this time, I should have known you'd let me down... right down to the bone.

ISABELLA

The sun had been exceptionally bright this morning, waking me up from a restless slumber. The traffic down bellow was already in full force. It was a blur of yellow down below, as taxis rushed through the crowded city streets. Even though havoc occurred down below, our apartment was quiet as could be.

I watched from my spot at the bench on my bedroom windowsill. It was already late into the afternoon but I haven't moved very much from this spot.

It had been a few days since my confrontation with my father. He hasn't even tried to contact me since... not like I thought he would. In fact, I knew that he wouldn't reach out or try to talk. That wasn't in his nature. He wasn't the kind of man to feel remorse. Even with the words of cruelty that he spewed countlessly, not once has he felt bad or apologized. Franklin Maxwell wasn't the type of man to apologize - even if it's to his own daughter.

It felt like all of the pent up emotion that I had tried so hard to forget about kept fighting to creep up, and devour me whole. I was fed up with feeling this way. I was fed up with feeling like I couldn't move on, that I couldn't be happy anymore. I was tired of feeling like I've lost myself. But - even though I know in my heart that I'm tired of feeling this way, I am too far gone to find my way out. How does someone find happiness when all they know is despair?

Minutes turn into hours, and I've lost track of how long I've been sitting here. The front door of our apartment opens and shuts. The sound of rustling bags and shoes can be heard through the open bedroom door.

"Izzy, are you awake?" Natalia calls from the living room. I can hear the shuffling of her feet against the hardwood floors. She poked her head through the open door, her messy brown hair falling over her eyes. She runs her hand through her hair and tucks it behind her ear. "Hey, you're awake."

"I am," I replied, moving my feet off of the bench and onto the floor. The soft carpeting feels like a cloud against my feet. "How was school?"

"Tiring. I'm happy to be done for the day," she falls on the bed, a long sigh escaping her lips. "My microbiology teacher is going to be the death of me. She's so tough! I'm practically in tears by the time I leave that classroom. It's rough."

"That sounds rough," I walk over to the bed, laying down beside her.

"It's okay though. I mean, this is what I want to do. I'll suck it up. But - in the mean time, what do you say we go out tonight?"

Nat turns onto her side. I turn onto my own side, so that we're facing one another. "I don't know..."

"You haven't gone out since you came back. I think it'll be good for you. All you do is stay locked up in this bedroom. That's not healthy."

"I'm not locked up... the bedroom door is open," I mumble.

"That's not what I mean," she replies, pushing my shoulder.

Rolling on my back, I bring my hands to my eyes. "I don't really want to go anywhere," I sighed.

"It's not like I'm asking you to go clubbing with me," she coaxed. "C'mon! We can dress up nice, go to that restaurant you like on fifth avenue. It'll be nice to spend some time with my sister outside of our apartment. Besides - Livia is back in town."

"When did she move back?"

"Last week. She's living in a loft out in Queens."

Grumbling behind my hands, I turn to face her once more. "It would be nice to see her..."