Mint [H.S.]

45

ISABELLA

I felt awful.

I couldn't ignore nor could I pretend that everything was okay; that I was okay, because I wasn't. Everything wasn't okay.

Laying here in Harry's arms, I felt like an intruder. I didn't deserve to be here. I didn't deserve to be wrapped up in him and to have him whisper how much he loves me, when I know just how awful I truly am. I'm a murderer. I'm an unfit human; an unfit mother.

It's funny. This whole time we thought that it would be my father who would tear us apart. It was him after all who tried his damnedest to break up our relationship. He even went as far as to try and kill Harry. But it isn't him. I am the one. I'm the one that would be our greatest downfall. I am the one who will end us.

All because I couldn't keep our little bean safe.

My womb failed us. I failed us.

There was no way in hell that Harry is going to want to stay with me once he finds out the truth. All he's ever wanted to be is to be a father. At least over the last little bit he has. He wants to prove to everyone that he can do it. That he can be the type of father that his step-father couldn't be. That he could be a better father than my own. But I took that away from him. I rid him of his shot to be better; to be better than all the other men in his life.

But I took that away.

I ruined it.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

I didn't catch myself at first. I couldn't feel my body shake against his arms, or feel the hot tears burn as they rolled down my cheeks. I'm numb. I became numb the moment I found out I lost our baby. Baby Styles.

"N-nothing," I lied, because that's also what I am. I'm a murderer, an unfit mother, and a liar. God, why would Harry want to be with me once he learnt the truth of who I truly am.

"No, you're not okay. You're crying. What's going on?" I could hear it in his voice, just how worried he was. I couldn't blame him. He doesn't see me for a whole week and when he does, I'm a blubbering mess. I'm a ghost of who I was before.

"I'm just happy that you're okay," I told him, instead of what was going on. However, it was true. Of course I'm happy that he's alive. I don't know what would have happened if he had died that day. But that wasn't why I was crying. I'm crying because this moment - me being in his doting arms, is going to end. The moment he finds out what had happened, it's all going to end.

I'm selfish.

I mean, that must be the only reason why I am allowing myself to be here, without exposing the truth.

I'm a selfish murdering liar who isn't fit to be a mother.

If my father saw me right now, he'd laugh. He'd laugh because he was right all along. I'm nothing. I'm no good. I'm weak and worthless and I lost my baby.

I lost our baby- Harry and mine.

"You're scaring me."

I hold onto Harry's arm as I cry. I cry and I cry because I haven't cried yet. I haven't wept or mourned over the loss of our child. I've been too numb to feel. I've been too numb to accept what has happened. But as I lay here in the safety of my love, I'm reminded of what's happened. All that's happened.

Harry was shot and I lost our baby.

God, everything was a fucked up mess.

"I need... I need to tell you something. Something... something important," the words choke out as I speak them, unable to reel in my emotions. Now that I've started, there's no way I'll be able to stop.