Things Better Left Unsaid (Snape love story)

Chapter Eighteen: Some Things Never Change

Chapter Eighteen

I gaped at him like a fish out of water. There he stood, in my doorway- in the girls Griffindor dormitory, mind you. How he got in here without getting seen was beyond me. However, within the few seconds that I had to stand there, staring silently at him with my jaw dropped like a fool, I couldn't help the excited bubble that fluttered in my stomach.

Snape stepped inside hurriedly, closing the door behind him. Within the same swift, graceful motion that seemed impossible for a man like him, he trapped me by the shoulders, pushing me further into the room. And I let him. Why? Maybe I was still a little bit in shock by his blatant appearance, especially after everything just before. Or, maybe I was glad.

After another awe-filled moment, he spoke. "You just don't understand." He exclaimed, voice low, and self-infuriating slipping out into his tone, as if he just couldn't find the right words to express what he wanted to say.

I sighed, though more out of grief than anger. "I wish you would just try and tell me. You don't even attempt to let me understand, so how could I?" I whispered back.

He seemed to understand this, though by his expression, he had no intention of following through with my plea. "You can't! That is the point!" He emphasized, his voice still quiet, despite the rising temperature in the room, and the red prickling in his pale, sullen cheeks.

I slapped my palm to my forehead. "No, that's the /problem/!" I replied, getting increasingly angry as he did. Why he couldn't just tell me what what gong on was beyond me. It was just making things more difficult. After all; I had just decided to get over him. I can't stop now- not unless he gives me a damn good reason not to.

He sighed, exasperated as I felt. "Look, Philomena, I want to tell you, but I'm trying to protect you. Can't you just u frets as that?" He attempted to calmly explain, though I heard the anger rising through it dominantly.

"Protect me? From what? The Death Eaters? Bellatrix? The Malfoys?" I pressed. Well, I suppose that's understandable. Nevertheless, it wasn't as if I didn't know too much for my own good already. What more harm could a little more of this do? I'm on their tremendously outrageous hit list already.

"It doesn't matter." He cut in quickly, his good short and sharp. He was beginning to sound just like his usual self again.

I threw my hands out to my sides, palms up, demanding an explanation. "Yes, it does!" Here I was, letting him get the best of me yet again. Allowing him to lure me in only to walk me in circles.

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose in agitation, closing his black eyes. "Someone is out for your life. You know this." He began, and I paused. Was this the start of an actual explanation? Was I actually getting answers?

I stepped forward, nodding as I silently listened with intent hope.

"And you are aware that these are Death Eaters."

I nodded again.

He opened his eyes, staring straight into mine with an unwavering, strong glare. He pointed to himself with a jabbing manner. "I am a Death Eater. You know this, so stop acting like a blundering fool. If I am to spend time with you, they will know. Do you think it will go unnoticed? That I, a Death Eater, will not be spoken to about it? Do you have any idea the consequences?"

He was out of breath by the time he finished talking, and he moved backwards onto the wall, leaning for support there by my wardrobe. I took a deep breath, crossing my arms. "You say that as if Bellatrix doesn't already know. She literally said it the day you forced fires husky down my throat and carried me off like nothing ever happened. You know she knows- why make sub a big deal of it? What are they going to do- recruit you to kill me?" He laughed one choppy, sarcastic laugh.

But he didn't laugh. He glared, unmoving. My smirk fell as he spoke. "You underestimate them, Philomena. They're ruthless people- I am a ruthless person. I have killed." He said, though there was an air to his voice and a look to his eyes that made me think otherwise. He wasn't like them. He was on our side.

I watched him closely, my face innocently aware- scared, almost, but of losing him for good over anything else. "You wouldn't kill me though, would you?"

He closed his eyes. "If they ask, and I decline, they will suspect. If they ask, and I accept, I would have no choice. I cannot show weakness before them, for Dumbledore's sake, and yours."

I scraped my fingers through my hair, pushing it back and out of my face. "But Dumbledore said- he told me to fix things with you. Don't you think he would have realized any of this of it were a real threat?" I asked.

Snape shook his head. "It is too high a risk."

I closed my lips, taking another deep breath to steady my nerves. This was ridiculous. Dumbledore wouldn't just set me on a mission like this, and so persistently, if he thought there was even a slight chance of my endangerment. Of that of Hogwarts, for that matter. Suddenly, a thought came to mind. I turned my glare on Snape. "You just don't want me anymore. Is that it?" I demanded, my tone rising.

He straightened up of the wall, his gaze incredulous, as if asked a question so preposterous that he couldn't believe it. However, it was a perfectly probable explanation, considering all the evidence this far and his lack of real explanation. "That isn't it at all." He replied in disbelief and slight irritation.

"If you don't want to be with me at all, just say so! You've done it before, after all. Don't make stupid excuses-"

"I said that isn't the reason! Do you think I would have come here, had I not wanted you?" He interrupted. I stopped. Was that true? Did he... Want me?

My heart clenched. I had just gotten over this. "In what manner of speaking...?" I asked, half suspicious and half curious.

Snape advanced towards me, closing the few heavy feet in between us. He took my shoulders the way he always did, something I never really understood. "In every manner of speaking. You doubt me so much, Philomena. Just trust me."

His stare was like nothing he's given me before. Serious, but in a way that didn't express anger or displeasure. So different, in fact, that I hardly registered what he had said. Trust him. A Death Eater. What an absurd thing to say in retrospect. However, I couldn't help but nod; because no matter what he did, or said, I couldn't stop trusting him. It was ridiculous and absurd, but true. And it may very well be my downfall.

And, with that fatal nod of approval, as I naively handed over my heart back to him an a silver platter, he kissed me.