Things Better Left Unsaid (Snape love story)

Chapter Twenty Nine: After All These Years

A/N: Hey, everyone!!! I've finally finished up this chapter, an WOW ITS INTENSE. LIKE I COOED AND CRIED (okay not really) WHEN I WROTE IT. It's actually pretty good to me, so I hope y'all love it!!!

I would also like to dedicate this chapter to the girl from my English class who talked to me on Thursday, you know who you are. I never did catch your URL, but this ones for you! Thanks for reading and getting me back on the saddle, you made my day! I can dedicate it officially if you comment below!

Anyways, enjoy this chapter and lemme know what y'all think!! :)

Chapter Twenty Nine

I left him before he could argue or ask questions, not wanting to create any elaborate reasons, or lie. I knew I couldn't tell him the truth, either.

Silently, I slipped up the winding staircase, past the gargoyle that was wide open, though I wasn't surprised; with the school in ruins and no one here to run it, I had simply guessed it would have been abandoned and unattended.

Tentatively, I walked inside. It was just as I had last seen it, to my great surprise. No one had ransacked the Headmaster's office, and all the books and nicknacks were left accordingly in place, nothing nicked over or broken. In further inspection, it appeared that everything had been dusted, as well. All of Dumbledore's previous possessions were left carefully where they were placed, and his portrait hung perfectly above the wall behind the desk. Dumbledore sat in his large chair, sleeping in the painting.

I smiled sadly to myself, walking further inside. It was like a small fragment if home was still here, perfectly in order and untouched by the animalistic an brutal war just outside. Almost like a blessing. Oh, how I missed this place. I missed sitting it the chair in front of the desk that I occupied so often, usually for a light scolding, though for a good pep and informational talk during my last year here.

It burned me to know that he was gone for good, and I never actually got to say goodbye. It's hard I believe that Dumbledore had just died. I knew he was only a person, but he always seemed to be immortal. Powerful. I never thought I'd see the day when he was gone away. I walked sluggishly down the bookcase, touching the spines as I passed, closing my eyes. I took a deep breath, imagining that I was still in my last year, back when things were so simple and wonderful. Back when I thought that I had it all, and that nothing would ever take it away. I had my two amazing and hilarious best friends, a great life of adventure, cohorts with an understanding and knowledgable Headmaster, and even for a while someone more snarky than me to hold and kiss.

I knew I missed him, no matter how hard I told myself that I didn't, or how much my pride tried to convince me otherwise. Every time I thought of him, of the times when he took me into his arms and kissed me, or even his slight touch, I burned inside. I yearned for his lips, his arms an hands. I wanted to breathe in the scent of parchment and potions that clung to his robes. I could never convince myself otherwise, no matter how hard I tried; at times, I doubted whether this was actual love or not. Surly, I couldn't feel so strongly inside about him for nothing? I couldn't have been away for so long and with someone entirely new, and still pine for him inside?

I hated myself for feeling this way. I knew that even if I did really love Snape still, it didn't change how I loved Fred. Yet, I felt guilt-stricken and caught in a tangled web of emotions still.

Eyes still shut, I wrapped my arms around myself, hands holding firmly into my shoulders. I needed to get a grip-- what was I even doing here? Sure, I was feeling nostalgic and still wasn't over my days here, but I knew I wanted to come here for more than just that. I knew I wanted to see him.

Maybe, if I could just have a reason, I could move on. I was happy with Fred, and I could see us together. Closure. If he just gave me that, I could be happier about my life. I hated the feelings that twisted within me, feelings of wonder and doubt. Not knowing why he broke us off so cruelly without a single reason. I sighed deeply again, letting my chin fall onto my arms. This was insane. I needed to get my shit together, big time. I couldn't just wander off, thinking thoughts like this! Not telling Fred where I'm going, while I run off to see if I can find the man I used to have son sick version of a relationship with. It was wrong, to Fred and to me. I ha to stop letting these emotions get the best of me.