Things Better Left Unsaid (Snape love story)

Chapter Twenty Three: Just Bent

A/N: you guys are gonna hate me, but just trust me on this one. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING OKAY ADJBKLQIRBALAKBDO

Okay time to read now. Y'all don't even understand how worked I was; I was THIS CLOSE to outing this off for a few days, cause I thought it deleted itself, like pat chapters have. I worked so log on this, so ENJOY IT! Hate me later in the comments and my inbox! NOTHING EITHER OF US CAN DO NOW OKAY IM SORRY IT HAD TO BE DONE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND IN TIME. *sobs*

Chapter Twenty Three

He was inside the building to my immediate left, examining a few ingredients when he glanced up per chance. I, of course, was simply staring off as I thought, but I couldn't help but realize thy I was looking right towards him when he narrowed his eyes.

I managed a small wave after a moment of awkward eye contact, frozen where I was and taken off guard. Well, bullocks. I hadn't even gotten a chance to get my demands in order, and I was going to confront him in a collected and newly mature manner. After everything Iv even through recently to prove that I'm becoming better, as fake as it may actually be, I wanted this to really show it.

It couldn't be helped now, though. Snape looked a bit annoyed, though that may be his natural expression at work. There was a small pause where neither of us did anything, before he gestured halfheartedly to the alleyway next to the shop.

I wasn't sure if I was in trouble or not, though he didn't really have anything on me, considering its the weekend and I was free to come here. Then again, I was edging dangerously close to the murky part of Hogsmead, which he was quite obviously aware of.

I crept into the narrow, damp alleyway, thankful that the street was barren besides me at the moment. The last thing I needs was someone seeing me sneak around an we curious. I placed my hands behind my back, leaning on the stone wall behind me with a patient expression. After a few seconds, the back door ahead opened, and the tall black-clad figure whipped over, his face unreadable, per usual.

He stopped information of me, and I couldn't help but feel a little nervous. We never met in public, and despite being in the back of a dark and seclude alleyway, it was still a bit daring. I nervously grinned, but he spoke before I could. "What are you doing around here?" He asked, tone orderly.

I shrugged one shoulder averagely, opening my mouth to speak, though I didn't get the chance.

"I've had enough of you're childish games, Philomena." He snapped monotonously, and my small girlish grin vanished.

I felt my face twist into disbelief and suspicion. "What is that--"

"I've had enough." He cut me off abruptly, though there was a certain, serious tint to his voice that I've never heard there before. There was no anger, no spite at all. It was almost worrying.

My eyebrows came together as I stared at him silently, not sure how to respond. What had I done? I mean, even if he knew that I had seen him earlier, which he surely didn't, that wasn't any reason to snap at me like this.

I stood up from my laid back position against the wall, my hands falling to my sides limply with defeat. "What do you mean by that?" I asked, my voice weakening as I progressed through the sentence. This didn't make any sense-- there was no way he meant what I thought. For Merlin's sake, he had just apologized! We had just worked things out a few days ago! There was literally no way he was doing this to me again. I couldn't.

Snape sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes, looking more tired than I'd ever seen him. He didn't answer, but I waited. Free a moment, he looked back at me, his eyes empty and emotionless. Painfully bleak. "I was wrong. This is wrong." Was all he said.

I stared at him, unable to say anything at all. I couldn't believe this was happening again. Ridged with disbelief and fear, my fingers twisted into soft fists at my sides. This is... unbelievable. I had to be mistaken. "You're not... are you leaving me again?" I emphasized the last word, taking a shaky breath. I watched him with dread clutching my chest, but he don't move.

"This was all a mistake. Everything was-- can't you jut see that?" He struggled to speak, as if he just couldn't quite come up with the correct words.

I bit my bottom lip, feeling myself sink into a slight desperation, the need to salvage whatever I could sweeping over me. There had to be something I could do. Maybe if I could handle this like an adult, maybe I could do something about this.

"Just give me a reason-- just a little bit is enough." I said, taking a deep breath. Handle it like an adult. Show him you're not a child.

He gave me a plain look, a small twinge of pain poking at me. He didn't answer. The small spark of hope in me dwindled a little.

"Please. You can't just leave me like this--"

"Don't contradict me, Philomena." He said sharply.

A scoff, sodden with anger and desperate sadness, escaped my mouth. "Don't belittle me." I caught myself, sighing, and collected myself. Adult.

Snape turned from me dismissively, seeming to end everything then and there. Shocked, I lunged forward, latching into his forearm. Damn, it was so hard to be an adult when he was being such a stubborn asshole. Honestly, I felt like a child. I felt stupid and insignificant, trying to rescue and preserve this screwed up relationship. I made myself look pitiful, bleary-eyed and reduced to a whimpering, shaking thing, hopelessly holding onto him.

"Just a second, please--" I pleaded, contradicting all my old morals. Weeping over a simple man, something so replaceable. Allowing myself to look weak and pitiful, letting him wipe his feet all over me. This went against everything I used to go by. Yet, here I was, pushing aside my self-inflated ego and cockiness, begging for him. This cruel man. Why I couldn't let him go was beyond me, because in all honesty, I wasn't one hundred percent sure if I truly loved him. I love him, but I didn't know if it was real. I didn't even know if it was two-sided.

Swallowing hard at the large lump in my throat, I felt him stop. He didn't look back at me, but he made no move to pull away, though he easily could. "We're not broken." I began, stumbling or words in my mind. "We're just bent. We can learn to love again, if you would just try."

Though he didn't directly pull away, he did pull away. I watched him leave soundlessly, feeling stupid and adept. Hating myself for letting him in, only to scathe my heart and leave a scar, carelessly abandoning me again.

Every fiber of my being was on a cold fire at this point, hot with anger and sadness and absolute fear. Mixed emotions filled me, and I leaned against the cold stone wall again, sinking to the ground and sitting. This love was supposed to be written in the stars, like some perfect match in the heavens. It was supposed to be real and wonderful, fulfilling. Maybe Dumbledore was wrong. Snape didn't love me. Maybe he never did.

I sat there, eyes heavy with silent hot tears that I was too prideful to give in to, chest heavy with rust and unrequited love.